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I greet you this day not really knowing why. It seems that the days are starting to have little meaning anymore. I try to keep a sense of humor about things, but there is nothing humorous about what is happening to me or those around me. I find myself staring off into space or just at nothign these days nore amd more. Things seem to mean little anymore to me and I just do not know how to handle these feeelings and moods. Things keep slipping farther and farther away from me.

I have tried to make this blog as time has gone by a place for meeting and exchangin thoughts and felings on dementia in general. I gave the site a chat room for a year that I paaid for open 24/7 for whoever wanted to talk not just to me but to others a failure. I opened a direct chat line to communicate whichcost me over$80 a month so we could talk, 5 people, a failure. I invited over 25 people to blog here because of their involvement with dementia, that has been a failure, I even set up Yahoo Messenger for instant chatting that too went down the tubes, I even have tried skype without any success. Comments I have gotten, emails I have gotten, but I guess my expectations (premeditated resentments) should not have been. I have removed all of the about except comments and email.

I am trying to give u articles as I find them that maybe of interest. I have a feeling that will be of no avail. Bitter yes I am, angry and pissed, yes, at those who come and cannot even take time to comment yes, but most of all at ME, for especting and planning and most of all trying to plan the outcome.This fricken disease plays a lot of games with your head and sometimes I am not even sure of what I am writting, minutes from now I will forget and I guess for me that is ok. Keeping my angry under anytype of control is getting difficult, increase in meds is not helping, well so much for my bitching, like most things it will get me nowhere fast.

God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!!!!
joe

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What do I see in the future?

My shrink has sent me back to my pshycologist, for help especially since his dad died from AD and he was the first to garee with me on what was taking place in my so called mind. We have been meeting for a couple of weeks again. Known each other close to 6 years.  As we sat and looked at each other, he asked why I was back and I told him.  We talked to kind of catch up to current things. He asked me, "When I look to the future, what do I see?"  My reply after starring for a few moments maybe longer was, "Darkness". I told him for me I see no future, for when you slice it all up and smooth it all out there is nothing there for me.  Just to keep loosing what abilities I have left and then crossing over the line. What is on the other side of the line, I told him I do not know for I have no idea who or what I will be, except that it will not be me. Maybe I will be lucky and pass on before that time comes. See I look at us in this world of Dementia, as throw aways, really, how many families are able to withstand the constant care they need to give us as we move forward with this disease. It definitely has got tear at them to a point of not being able to handle things. Then they have there families and their lives and all that stuff.  So put Mom or Dad or Gramps or Grams in home that can clean them up and do the things they cannot handle. Throw aways that is what we are. Never mind the years that we put into raising them and helping and nuturing and getting their asses out of trouble, that does not matter that was our job not theirs. Will I get shit for this post, YES, do I care NO, because the truth is what it is. I am becoming more distant to family and friends. My "friends" no longer email me except for those stupid forwards, some are funny. I am not part of their world and I guess they do not know how to talk to me anymore. Even those that I know that have a parent with AD and work for Alz. Org.  Bitter I guess, you see I now see my world closing in and not as broad as it once was. I have my moments, but more and more they are lessening, shopping is nearly unbearable for me now. I fear leaving home because I might get lost even though I have to be taken everywhere. Take care and be good to yourselves.

God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!
joe

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Last Night

Last night I found myself in very difficult and not likeable sitution.  It was a rough day for me as it was. We sat down for dinner and I put my food on my plate and completely froze. I had no idea what I was doing or what to do, my wife tired to help put I just told her leave me, she put my fork in my hand and it just fel from it, I was in a state of, in betweenness, between here and there. I finally started eating but with my fingers and slowly got back to where I should be. I am about 4 or so years into this and it is taking hold now as it seems to do about this time.

Now I am a beginning to become really concerned and not so humorous, but life will go on and so will I. I guess that line of no return is getting closer and sneakier about things.

Well that is it for now from: us here in Oceanside, CA.

God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!
joe

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A Request

Many of you may not know, because the media does not care this is NATIONAL ALZHEIMER'S AWARENESS MONTH. Let your local papers know, let us see if they have the balls to say anything.

Again I ask for pictures, birth year and year of passing of loved ones that died from this damnable disease. Two of you have heard. They need to be remembered for they are the faces of Alzheimer's.

(Yes I used spell checker, so I cheated)!

If you like this blog I ask you to click on the Wellsphere voting Icon on the right and vote for it. I know that many on Wellsphere do not necessarily like it, I am not a caregiver or dr. I just suffer from the disease and try to tell how my life is deteriorating and getting worse as we move to my physical death. Yes the 7th leading cause of death. Probably if death certificates showed the real agent that caused death I am sure that it would be higher. Most to feared diagnosis so it is said, is you have Cancer and You Have Alzheimer's. Help me spread the word Please.

Till next time thanks for your thoughts and help.

God Bless You & This Country of Ours!
Joe

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Friends You Got To Love Them.

This came from a friend of mine, who knows there is not much upstairs anymore and that I love old jokes and humor.




A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. 'Is it true,' she wanted to know, 'that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life? ''Yes, I'm afraid so,' the doctor told her
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, 'I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'.'
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An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son. 'Yes, Dad, what is it? '
'Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aging:
Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
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The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
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Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me!

I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
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When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
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One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
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Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It's worse when you forget to pull it down.
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Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft...
Today, it's called golf.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two old guys are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide.
The first old guy says to the second guy, 'Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.'
The second old guy says, 'That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.'
The first old guy says, 'Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?'
' The second old guy says,' Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?'
To which the first old guy says, 'Doesn't matter, let's look for yours.'

********************

Lord, Keep Your arm around my shoulder, and Your hand over my mouth!

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Thank God For Friends - They Make Me Laugh!

This came from a frien, who rote it I do not know, but you will find me in this.


I was gonna write something here _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _




Forgetter Be Forgotten

My forgetter's getting better,
But my rememberer is broke
To you that may seem funny
But, to me, that is no joke

For when I'm 'here' I'm wondering
If I really should be 'there'
And, when I try to think it through,
I haven't got a prayer!

Oft times I walk into a room,
Say 'what am I here for?'
I wrack my brain, but all in vain!
A zero, is my score.

At times I put something away
Where it is safe, but, Gee!
The person it is safest from
Is, generally, me!

When shopping I may see someone,
Say 'Hi' and have a chat,
Then, when the person walks away
I ask myself, 'who the heck was that?'

Yes, my forgetter's getting better
While my rememberer is broke,
And it's driving me plumb crazy
And that isn't any joke.

CAN YOU RELATE???
I DON'T REMEMBER WHO I SENT THIS TO !
LIVE, LOVE & LAUGH A LOT

God Bless You & This Country of Ours!!!!!!
joe

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