Another Day in Dream Land!

where i get my titles is unknown to me. But it seems that my dreams and my reality are starting to be one in the same. I wake up hear voices, it is my dream entering my what ever you call it, I guess my here and now. It takes awhile for things to clear up. I am normally fine until this time of the day, after this 11:30 or so, the day just plain disappears on me. I no longer can do math by hand and mind, need a calculaor, pisses me off to no end. I had to leave twitter, sokule & facebook, could not keeep up with them. Hells bells I have enough problems with this thing. Had numerous on line business and affiliate accounts have closed them as well. Although things were witen down and all in a book organized, I got to confused and angry and just could not handle things. As of today the Joe that I once kew no longer exists. I am becoming someone else and I am not happy over that. Yesterday I turned 65 an age I never ever expected to reach or frankly wanted to, especially in my drunkin druggie days of my 20's. In my 20's did not know what the hell I was doing, somethings never change back in the saddle, no drugs or alcohol, don't need it now, brain is fucked as it is. Strange family was over last night but yet I was alone and am most of the time. Feelings towards others seem to keeep getting farther and farther from me. They are not leaving, I AM. I do not hear words right anymore, no car, problems with the bills and the check book, my wife Lynn can go to give me a kiss an it will scare the crap out of me. I forget who she is. So much for my babeling soon it will be Turkey Day, yes I will over eat and be in gastric distress big time. I even got some of the big words right this time, no red lines under them, look out. Bye for now.

God Bless You & This Country of Ours!
Joe

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A Special Request.

I would like to add a slide show to the side of my blog. I want to make this a memorial to those who have passed from this disease. So I am asking you to email me a picture of a friend or loved one with their name and birth and deceased years so I can make the slide show. I would like to honor those that have gone before me and paid the final price of this disease. Maybe their faces will prompt those who visit this blog to take some type of action or get involved some way to get those needed to help out (government????). I hope this is not offensive to anyone, if it is well then.

Thank you in advance. jolynn1@cox.net is the email to send to.

God Bless You & This Country of Ours!
Joe

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God Does Still Does Miracles

Some of you may recall me talking about my friend Dirty Butter, real name Rosemary. A link to her page is on the side of my blog. This daer lady was given a diagnosis of Parkinsons and some other neuro disease back 2006 or so. See they, the doctors heard houff beats and immediately saw horses and not the zebra that was in the heard. Well things progress and finally someone really takes a look at this strange looking horse and after testing and thinking and checking finds that DB does not have Parkinson's afret all but:

Essential myoclonus occurs in the absence of epilepsy or other apparent abnormalities in the brain or nerves. It can occur randomly in people with no family history, but it also can appear among members of the same family, indicating that it sometimes may be an inherited disorder. Essential myoclonus tends to be stable without increasing in severity over time. Some scientists speculate that some forms of essential myoclonus may be a type of epilepsy with no known cause. (this was cut and pasted from dictionary).

This is treatable with med, probably will not be cured but her life is becoming beter each day and will continue to. The jerks, twitches, spasms and the like are supsiding. I cannot tell you how much joy my heart is filled with for her. God loves her and so do I.

God Bless You and This Country of Ours!

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Humor Comes In Many Forms

The following is an email sent to me by a friend, who undersstandds my sense of humor and since I suffer from both thing in this, I find it funny. Enjoy or don't your chouice




In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of
government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.
Pfizer Corp announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of:
MOUNT & DO.
Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

Welcome to my World.
God Bless
Joe

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As The Clouds Move In

"They" say whoever they maybe that thossse of us that suffer from the diffferent forms of dementia do not know that it is happening. Surprise your are full of dog dodo. I look at each day as things very slowly slip away and I see that cloud on the horizzon. I have always had a thirst for knowledge and doing things (when I was not being lazy). That once mighty river and fire that burned insside of me has slowly turned to a brook and a candle and it makes me sad. As I get lost in conversationnns and it takes me longer sometimes to recognize those I knoww, I feel the battle ground beneath my feet shake a little harder. I fought threw the cruelty of a bruttle father and naive mother, an addicted teen life and young adult drunk. I finally learned to love without strings and taking only to have it yankked from my very arms. But I had learned to finally lovve and give freely and became clean and sober in the process. Now I enjoy when I am able to my family, even with the cancers and brain injuries that occured to my children and wife the fucked up relations they had, I still was able to move forward and win the battles. Now my time has slowly come, I haaave great trouble in expressing myself anylonger, conversations and even this take a great deal of concentration and energy that I am left exhausted. I stand with open arms to welcome to my world that which is coming, for I believe that peace will be with it and this confusion, frustration and physical pain will be forgotten, at least one can only hope. Many I talk to with dementia, get angry with me when I talk of the death of me, who I am, I think it is because they know that it is true for them also. God Bless you all and one day we shall alll meet.
Joe

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A Couple Of Days To Remember

Well the last coupleki days have ben interestingl have been working with some very peststy people from HBO in the process of making a documentary on folks like us with dementia. I imagine that they willl call ita show on Alszheimers, I hope the y call a documentery on dementia, since there are two many forms and they are different and people think AD is transmittable.It hwas been a strain to say the least, buth they are actually very nice folks, but we cannot let themmm no that. It is hard to tell folks what it is like, little easier to write it, because you cannot seem me or me se you. I do not know what will happen with it if anything but it has been an experiencer, they could have at least left their one crew member here. We hared some real tense moments and some very enjoyable ones. They honored our table by having a turkey dinnner with us, which makes us feel good inside. But they did not eat any of the fat raid we wnt on. Theat means goodies.. WEllso mouch for now may be back soon.

God Bless You and the Country of Ours
Joe

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Having Fun

As my neurolooogist said I am tring to enjoy the time I have left in my mind as it its, that is the reaston for the new picture at the bottom. Anyway I don't look so homely. Things are getting rought, starting not to even recognize the lady next to me when staring at her in the store. No yellow brick road here, just a little broken concrete. Catch yall later, I hope.

God Bless
Joe

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Farwell To My Old Friend Pain

The letter that follows has never been sent this is all done in spell check so that it makes some sense. At long last I need to close what is the next to final chapter of my life. I know the individual will never see this but it serves to finish my part and clean my side of the street. It has been awhile since I have posted or written anything, that is because things are well taking their toll or scheckles if you will.

August 24, 2007

Dear Phyllis,

I am not quiet sure how to start this letter or if it will even be sent to you. See I have never broken my word or lied to you. When we last talked, I promised you I would not bother you again and that was truly my intent. But I cannot get over the way you talked to me, when I called as a friend nor the way you ran from me claiming you loved me so much it hurt that August night in 1978. Should I send this, due me at least one final courtesy read it before you rip it up and throw it in the trash.

Yes when I called it was done in friendship and with the hope you would tell me the truth as to why you left me standing like a piece of trash in the middle of the street. I did not deserve that. I did nothing but love you, stand by your side and support you in what you wanted to do. I never lied to you nor even bothered with any other females, you were everything to me and I thought I was to you.

I can only believe that one of two things had happened, age was not one and we both know that, I do not believe you were seeing anyone else either; I think either your parents finally gave you an ultimatum regarding me or you were pregnant and going to get an abortion. I found the second more likely, and would have stood by your side and decision and still cared and loved you, because we were together too long knowing your parents hated me and wished I would vanish into thin air. I tried to show them I would not hurt you, nor was I going to let their dislike for me push me away from you. Kids were something you did not want and if you remember correctly I told you we would marry when you decided and if we were to have children it would be your call. All I really wanted were for us to be together in life forever.

You see I feel my Lord gave me a gift the night you kissed me on the cheek and began our relationship. To that point in my life I had never felt that anyone loved or cared for me. Not even my parents, my father used to beat me till I bled and my mother always told me I should not make him so mad. My friends were non existent, I learned to cheat, lie and steal at my parent's side and how to take and not give back. Of being loved or loving I knew nothing at all. Then you were put in my life and I learned to trust another person, except their caring and their love and I learned to give back without asking or expecting anything for the first time in my life. You were a true gift from God, because of you I have been able to love, give and care for someone other than myself. You taught me that and I am forever grateful, for that gift, which will never be taken away from me.

This is my way of bringing closure to us and saying goodbye finally. You see I never morn a loss, I always have rejoiced in having known the person, and I did not do that with you. I have never allowed the kindness, love, caring and giving you showed me to overshadow the way you left my life as if there was some big dark secret. You see I cannot perceive running from someone you love so much without telling them why they cannot be a part of your life any more unless something so bad in you mind existed that you thought I would do something crazy over. I tell you this in all honesty I would never have hurt you, I would have rather died then cause you any pain, which apparently existed.

So to you my Love and friend, I bid you a found farewell. I hope the Lord continues to bless your life and bring you the happiness that you deserve. Remember we lose loved ones, but rejoicing and celebrating their lives is the greatest compliment that we can pay them. I rejoice in knowing you and am happy for the time you were part of my life.

With Gods' Love,
Joe

God Bless You All and This Country of Ours!

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