Hello to all this day. My wife who has been my main caregiver and has been home with me for almost the last year is now working again.  She is working as a CAREGIVER, thats right and her first client, well this is jus a kick is an elderly man with, yes you got it AD. The woman is a glutten for punishment.

She has been away now several days home in the evening and I plain do not like it. She is my rock with this, but I guess she is needed other places as well. I feel very uncomfortable over it. I could bitch, but I am going to try and restrain my dislike of the matter. Still have my mother in law here with me, but not the same. I feel lost without Lynn. But she is needed elsewhere at this time.

God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!!!!!
joe

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Caregivers and Death

I was reading a discussion on Caregiver.com about people with AD & likes dying and the time it takes and how to handle it.  First I want to say that those who say celebrate the persons life are correct. To that I add do not morn for that is self serving and arrogant. Because I feel that it is only a self pitty thing, why am I alone now, they had no right, etc.

I said my good byes long ago to my family when we knew what was going on and freely talk about my passing. Quiet frankly I cannot wait. You see on this side of the fence we cannot escape any of the ravages in anyway but death, you can get relief and put us in homes how nice for you. I have in hte past expressed my feelings on these things, we are still kept silent and still put away. Well while I am alive and can I hope I promote some real thought over this home putting crap. I kind of understand, you are 78 and the only one to cae for your loved one, home may be or is the right place. My bitch is with the offspring, how would have it been when you got sick mom and dad just sent you away or sent you to other family members and they passed you on, because it casused extra time of your day to care. Think about it. I know my wife and I have been there every step of the way for our kids, sickness, catatrosphic illnesses, major accidents, arrests, drug and alcohol problesm we have seen them all but have been there, no matter how old they have gotten or how much we did not want to be involved, but they are our family and we do what families do, take care of each other.
I guess no one really hanlesd death well that remains behind, but just think of us that go ahead  of you we are set free, no more of the confusion, frustration, pain, forgettfulness, not know who or what anything or anyone is, no more diapers, rubber sheets, being hand fed or laying in bed all the time. I am wiery of the fight and now just let it work its job so that I can win in the end by passing. I reallly hate this feeling great and in control one moment and the nothing makes sense and seems to be real or knowing where the fuck I am or what I am doing.

I need to stop. Take care of yourselves.

God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!!!!
joe

PS> to those that voted I applaud you, to those that did not and could have keep you mouths shut you gave up the right to say anything. Maybe next time you will get your head out of your ass and use your right to vote.

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It is what it is

I have been trying to think how to say this... I am angry.  I am royally ticked off at this disease. I am ticked that I do not have the man that I married anymore.  Yes I understand that I am not the same person that he married and that we all change.  That is how it is supposed to be, but this is different.  They lose themselves and we lose them.  I got my haircut over the weekend and Joe has asked me twice now if I got my haircut.  I can't take my frustration out on the guy who cuts me off on the road, I can't yell at the broad who runs the stop signs in our neighborhood,(well I can but it does not do any good),there is no one to lay the blame on when Joe is sitting and wondering where he is or who he is talking to.  I try not to get frustrated with him when he is in a foul mood because he does not know what is going on.  I can't yell at him because he does not always understand why I am angry because he doesn't know that he is aggravating me because he who used to make snap decisions now can't decide what he wants to have for lunch.  He takes naps at the drop of a hat and leaves right in the middle of a conversation.  Not physically but mentally. We were talking about some stuff the other day and he asked if I was disappointed about something and my response was not disappointed but I have to learn to understand that it is what it is.  Our lives are all about that now.  When you come to grips with the fact that this is what we have to deal with it does bring a little peace.  Not alot but just a little.  And there will still be those times that I may lose my patience but I need to remember that  "It is what it is".
Lynn

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