For Those Who Can Still Walk!!!!!

Yes this disease even takes that away from you. I know I have griped abouut the brain going away, but it seems my feet and legs are developing a mind of their own now. Several times I have falleen and trip and got hurt, but never thought of how AD is affecting me in that way.  Well the other day I had some sense knoccked into me. I was putting away the garbage cans, tuff duty right? We let me tell you it can be, putting the last can away I was practicing walking backwards, front ways not that good, try something new: Well I check where I was going turneed back around, steppped out of my sliper, apparently steped on my foot, you got it I went on a trip. My rather robust bottom slammed on the walk way, my back hit the pavers and this empty head of mine proceeded to put a rather nice looking dent in the one metal storage shed we have.  I have to admit the shed looks good it now has character. Me I have character to, back hurts like hell, my head hurts, the crack in my bottom has widened and I have been advised by my keepers, that maybe I should not do that anymore. You loose one freedom after another with this crap.

Until we meet again, take care of yourselves. I hold walking classes every Tuesday at 1pm PST.

God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!!!
joe (the marathon walker)

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Here is hoping that you all had a wonderful day yesterday and stayed safe. As for me I helped to expand my stature in life, I ate.

I had an interview with a journalist sometime this week that is doing a two part piece in the local paper here on me. I guess she was promted by my post of Who Speaks For Us. We discussed my anger in the posting and she cam to understand that I was not against boobs, but the fact that there really is very little media about us. We talked about how we are throw aways. I also expressed my disappointment in the Alz Org for not being more media concious. Walks are great, working quietly with lawmakers to get things moving is nice, but without hard media coverage does not help that much. NOTICE we now have a pill that will help about 70% of those who take it not to get AIDS, is that not nice for those that want same sex and needle sharing.  From about 1983 or so till now we are stopping these folks from dieing (which is great), only 25+ years to help them, of course that was media push and political movement.

But here I stand with over 5.3 million (very low estimate) with AD, and we are THE WALKING DEAD!!!! like it or not that is the plain raw simple truth, known since 1906 well what do we have, meds that may slow things for a short time then down the hill you go. Yes we with dementia are B movie actors, Zombies of the World, Night of the Walking Dead, etc. Yes I am pissed. I will stay that way and continue with your help to get us a VOICE that will not be Silenced.

Each day that butcher in my brain takes more of me, not thin tiny slices anymore but it has widened the blade and the slices arre gettting thicker. I st5umble more, lost in conversations most of the time, sit and my brain goes off somewher and leaves the body here just fixed. I believe that I am starting to have ciesures not the roll on the ground type but where my mind just flakes. It is getting harder to post, the things come to my head, but get lost before I can write them and I sit here trying to figure out why I am at the computer and just get up and walk away.Everyday living is becoming a task, simple crap just is major, the fun is leaving. I now no the rages of this disease and the loss of who people really are.
My once strong strength to concentrate so I could talk is weaking quickly and I can be pulled off subject in a second and not be able to return. Right now, I am alone and the house is quiet, so I can talk to all of you, but it has taken since about 6 this morning to put this together. This blog has become me and I guess my crusade to awaken people that we do exist and that they very well may join us shortlly unless there is such an out cry that people move, THIS IS NOT AN OLD PEOPLES DISEASE, there are those that were born the same year as me that are a cpl of years dead now from AD. I am onl 66 now, stat wise about 2-4 yeras before I get the hell out of here.

Take care of yourselves and be good to each other.

God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!!!
joe

PS that goes for all those on this planet.

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Caregivers and Death

I was reading a discussion on Caregiver.com about people with AD & likes dying and the time it takes and how to handle it.  First I want to say that those who say celebrate the persons life are correct. To that I add do not morn for that is self serving and arrogant. Because I feel that it is only a self pitty thing, why am I alone now, they had no right, etc.

I said my good byes long ago to my family when we knew what was going on and freely talk about my passing. Quiet frankly I cannot wait. You see on this side of the fence we cannot escape any of the ravages in anyway but death, you can get relief and put us in homes how nice for you. I have in hte past expressed my feelings on these things, we are still kept silent and still put away. Well while I am alive and can I hope I promote some real thought over this home putting crap. I kind of understand, you are 78 and the only one to cae for your loved one, home may be or is the right place. My bitch is with the offspring, how would have it been when you got sick mom and dad just sent you away or sent you to other family members and they passed you on, because it casused extra time of your day to care. Think about it. I know my wife and I have been there every step of the way for our kids, sickness, catatrosphic illnesses, major accidents, arrests, drug and alcohol problesm we have seen them all but have been there, no matter how old they have gotten or how much we did not want to be involved, but they are our family and we do what families do, take care of each other.
I guess no one really hanlesd death well that remains behind, but just think of us that go ahead  of you we are set free, no more of the confusion, frustration, pain, forgettfulness, not know who or what anything or anyone is, no more diapers, rubber sheets, being hand fed or laying in bed all the time. I am wiery of the fight and now just let it work its job so that I can win in the end by passing. I reallly hate this feeling great and in control one moment and the nothing makes sense and seems to be real or knowing where the fuck I am or what I am doing.

I need to stop. Take care of yourselves.

God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!!!!
joe

PS> to those that voted I applaud you, to those that did not and could have keep you mouths shut you gave up the right to say anything. Maybe next time you will get your head out of your ass and use your right to vote.

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Happy Father's Day

To all you dads, grandpa's and uncles a happy fathers day.  Oh by the way one to you rascals that may not be sure if you are. To our father's in harms way our troops a very special day to you my friends.

This hopefully will be the first of two posts today. My eldest has gone to the hospital already this am to have what should turn out to be our eight grandchild.  She did it once on mother's day so why not. BBQs were planned for both these occassions.

A special prayer for those in the gulf, May God Grant You Peace and Show you the Way. Amen.

More later.

God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!
joe

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Last Night

Last night I found myself in very difficult and not likeable sitution.  It was a rough day for me as it was. We sat down for dinner and I put my food on my plate and completely froze. I had no idea what I was doing or what to do, my wife tired to help put I just told her leave me, she put my fork in my hand and it just fel from it, I was in a state of, in betweenness, between here and there. I finally started eating but with my fingers and slowly got back to where I should be. I am about 4 or so years into this and it is taking hold now as it seems to do about this time.

Now I am a beginning to become really concerned and not so humorous, but life will go on and so will I. I guess that line of no return is getting closer and sneakier about things.

Well that is it for now from: us here in Oceanside, CA.

God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!
joe

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The Gift of Alhziemer's!

Yes I know what gift? You need to have the disease to understand. See because of this blasted thing, I learned something today that I did not know, even with it starring me right in the kisser. I was reading over some emails I got because of the HBO Documenttary.

It brought people I knew from over 50 years ago back into my life. Of course they had to tell me how, when, why, etc., before the old noodle could grasp it. This may get long and run in circles, but what the hell, if I can run in them so can you.

You see I wanted most of all to be a good husband, lover, friend, father and someone the Lord would be proud to call his child. Well I feld very badly in my own mind and soul. So as I re read an email from my first girlfriend, the only one nuts enough to date me, Cheryl, I really realized how fortunate I am to have AD. You see, I have invited her to guest blog, but no response, what an asset to this site she would be. Now remember she dated me (poor lady), her mom has AD and Cheryl works for The Alz. Org. in Colorado what a wealth of help.  But more than that, after we broke ups I had 16 years of a real messed up life.  So you understand and I am not sure I do, she was about 5'6"  115#, brown hair, brown eyes and nicely, well very pleasant to look at, not what a memory, she sent me a picture from that time, and a Leo. I always felt comfortable with her, but life goes on and people (me) screw up alot.  What does that matter to you or me, well I just described my wife of over 30 years. Now she is stuck with an AD patient and she is a Leo to, and I have asked her to post, but you know these lions the roar, but are really just pussy cats. Because of this and the special I have found that my family was my career and Mr. How Smart Am I, was not even aware of it. Cheryl and the rest of you have shown me that and I am well pleased inside.

Still confused and not sure what I will do from moment to moment but I am having quiet an adventure, and sometimes it is pretty rotten. Just spent a week isolated to my self and not really talking to anyone, without being short and less than Kind. I find that, at least i do, just wip back without concern of what I am saying. From those I tak with that have this disease seem to do that alot to. Well enough of me for now. Be good and take care of yourselves.

God Bless You & Keep You & This Country of Ours! (The World Needs Him To)
joe

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Couple of Things.

Well I am back here at the monster again.

I am still asking for those of you who would like their loved ones, friends, etc. who have passed from AD to send me their picture, first name, birth year and year of being set free. As you see so far only 3 people have felt that their loved one's should be honored, what about the rest of you? Yes I can get snotty.

The chatroom will disappear soon, I only paid for it for a year and I do not know if anyone has used it, so goes life.

Also NOTICE if you have skype on your computer, headphones, microphone and speakers you can call me free just click on CALL ME button. If i am on we will talk.

Things in this world of mine are getting a bit out of touch with me. I feel like I am beginning to seperate into two different folks, the one who knows (as if I ever did) what they are doing and one who hasn't a clue.

We finally finished our second KOI pond, Sept to now, not bad. Waiting for the season to warm up to bring in new fish, lost ½ of my others. Home projects I still like but they are becoming very hazardous to me. I built a square box around the pond for cemment so that the pavers vor the patio could be laid straight and shot my self in the finger with the nail gun. Then while laying the bricks one by one and setting them I smashed the same finger with the mallet, of course I really warmed up for that brick setting. Finally has feeling coming back in it. Golden years, kiss my butt.

Wife is now home with me for not sure how long, I guess until she cannot take me anymore or I send her back to work. Wants to do toooooo many things. What a pest, but I love her, so sorry guys I am keeping her, in it for the money now.

I am still amazed at my friend Mary in Canada, how she posts almost daily, I just cannot get it together to do that.

If you have a blog or website, that is not in my lisk of links and want it there email me jolynn1@cox.net with the name and I will enter it. I do follow alll the links I have, in the back part of blogger you can list those you want to follow and you get continual updates as people post, really neat. I just need to comment more, get to involved then forget what I am doing and walk away in disgust,

Well before I babble a brook you all have a great day. I am going to hide from the rain.

God Bless You & This Country of Ours!
Joe

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What is a Friend?

I have become very confused oevr this. It seems that what I think (have to be easy there) and others is different. Maybe because it is more difficult to talkto me and keep things on track and the fact that I get angry easier has changed things betweeen me and others. I always thought and still do that you are honest totally with a friend and not afraid to be calllled on your BS and not afraid to call them on it. That seems to be a problem in theis world today. It is costing me friends. Even trying to explain things to them doe snot work. I guess this is going to be a new part of my life that I am going to have as this keeps getting harder.

I am still waiting for pics and info to start the memorial post for those that have proceeded me and are now at rest. I think they are the faces of this disease. Their fight was bvaliant and brave, they fought and tried against a foe that is not beatable at this time. They are my heroes for hanging in ass long as they could. They helpeed to pave the road I have to travel and I thank them for making it a little easier for me. The millions that suffer now and to come are my family now.

This is my story on this blog, but I want it to be a home for you as well. That is why things haveeeve ben changing and will continue to do so. Those of you that take care of us extreemely unpredictable persons, need an outlet and I am going to try and succeed with you help making this blog one outlet for you. It maybe moving to more of a website and changing the address, so that it can be more interactive for you who take the time to read my ramblings and need to converse with otherers in your position.

I have to stop now, my brain is not holding thoughts rifht now.

God Bless You and This Country of Ours!
Joe

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Who & What Am I Becoming?

There once was a tmie I could answer that but not anylonger. I have for the last several months porued myself into trying to start some things for the family to help make their financial future better. However, I remember the comment I made in the HBO thing, Once I was a genius, now I'm not. How true, it seems that once what I touched I mad work and well, now it goes to hell in a hand basket. My thoughts seem to be of the same charge and push each other out of the way, leaving avoid for confusion. That is the disease at work and having a good time of it. I find myself much more pissy and angry now, but I try to keeep the old trap shut and carry it alone. I am beginning to understand why we in this World of Ours, just sit alot and say nothing or just wander. We no longer have a grasp on things, what is real is it, I don't know any longer. I do not want to say things to family and friends because I don't want the constant hovering or them walikng on eggs. Frankly i do not know what I want, who I really am, where I have been or am going. Things from the past seem to be from yesterday and yesetrday seems to be the past. I feel truly helpless for the first time in my life. Where do we go from here? Down the tunnel.

God Bless,
Joe

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My View On The World Today.

Nothing Else Be Said!

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Thank You All

I hav been deeply moved an honored by the number of people that have wirttin me and sent me emails over the last few days. The words used pay me an honor that I do not deserve. I am but one of many on the journey, I jus am able still to let you know hte rotten side of it here. In watching the HBO special, the real heros were the kids, I cried over their pain and frustration and the absolute resolve they had to love their grandparents and want ing to understand. See you have the tuff part, we just keep forgetting and reach a point that nothing matters as it once did. Someday, they may really know what causes this and may even find a way to stop it, reverse it I do not think so. But wha the hell we are talking about me thinking. I have one brain cell and more than one thought causes a traffic jam and I get totally messed up and confused. It is harder for me to talk these days, words come out kind of liek my typeing. If I get to it today or the nxet couple of days I will be adding some links to other blogs for you to read.

Till next we meet.

God Bless You and This Country of Ours!
joe

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speaking my mind????

The littttle one is my one granddaughter Lillian. You know I am finding it more and more diffficult to maintain images in my mind of those I once knew and loved and even those that I care about and love now. A feeling of urgency is starting to take hold in my life. What it means I do not know. All final arragnements have been made and paid for, so that is not a concern any longer. I do not want to be around people much anymore, it is gettinng harder to tolerate them, I am sure I am no prize either now, probably neverr was. At first I told this disease of mine, that you may win, but you will know you have been in one hell of a fricken fight. Seems I am the one with the wounds and they don't heal or go away. Well soo much for my rambling.

God Bless You & This Country of Ours!
joe

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Just Another Day in Paradise!

No wonder it took so long to get to the truth, I went to the wrong medical practioners. I received the following from a friend.

TWO DIFFERENT DOCTORS' OFFICES

Boy, if this doesn't hit the nail on the head,
I don't know what does!

Two patients limp into two different medical clinics with the same complaint.. Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip replacement.

The FIRST patient is examined within the hour, Is x-rayed the same day and has a time booked for Surgery the following week.

The SECOND sees his family doctor after waiting 3 weeks for an appointment, then waits 8 weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn't reviewed for another week
and finally has his surgery scheduled for a month from then.
Why the different treatment for the two patients?

The FIRST is a Golden Retriever.
The SECOND is a Senior Citizen.

Next time take me to a vet! (PLEASE)

God Bless You & This Country of Ours!!!!
Joe

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As My World Turns!

You know I have to get going early and do what chores I have, because about this time my world starts to slow down and crash. This won't be long, but I do apprecaite hereing from you folks, the good, the bad, the ugly, etc. It makes me feel like I am not preaching to the trees or the walls. Well my you all have a good one.

God Bless You and This Country of Ours!
Joe

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This Belongs On My Answering Machine!

Thanks my friend Dick.

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.
>
> Please select from the following options menu:
>
> If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
>
> If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for
> you.
>
> If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
>
> If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want,
> stay on the line so we can trace your call.
>
> If you are delusional, press 7 and
> your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.
>
> If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully
> and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
>
> If you are manic-depressive, hang up.
> It doesn't matter which number you press,
> nothing will make you happy anyway.
>
> If you are dyslexic, press 9-6-9-6.
>
> If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep
> or before the beep or after the beep.
> But Please wait for the beep.
>
> If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
> If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
> If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
>
> If you have low self-esteem, please hang up.
> Our operators are too busy to talk with you.

>
> If you are menopausal, put the gun down,
> hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry.
> You won't be crazy forever.
>
> If you are blonde, don't press any buttons.
> You'll just mess it up.
>
> This coming week is
> National Mental Health Careweek.
> You can do your part by remembering
> to contact at least
> one unstable per son to show you care.
>
> (Well, my job is done . Your turn!!)

God Bless You and This Country of Ours!
Joe

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Those Good Old Golden Years!

Golden Years, right fillled with AD, FTD, BiPolar, Sinus Problems, cannn't see worth a damn and no left ear drum. I forget it means gold crowns not porcelian or metal, gold hip joints, gold nee joints and oh yes golden colored build up in your arteries, aren't the Golden Years fantastic. Up my patooty. I found out today that the bottom portion, the tip area of my heart does not get any blood, so I could have a heart attack, not onew that would kill me, but probably wished it would. So we go on a medical regement and change of eating habits to help correcvt it and if that does not work we become invasive and go in and look. This is why I have DDS most people call it ED, erctile dysfunction, I call it dead dick sysdrome. It stands up and salutes then dies. Well I guess soon I won't remember what it is for anyhow, I am starting to have vague memories of what it was used for. Well I am still breathing so it is ok. Just had to expound on this crap for a minute. I thank you all for listening and being out there for all of us in my World.

God Bless You and This Country of Ours!
Joe

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How things change.

Since I have been so blessedd with these wonderful diseasess it is strange to me how I have been changing and changing towards others. I am not to concerned with what they think or have to say. I am getting more self absorbed you could say. I am not sure if this is part of the way this thing goes, but it is how I am starting to feel, it is as if others do not exist in my World, hard to describe this feeling as my commmand of the language is going to hell in a hand basket. I more and more do not enjoy going out and having people around me. The noisse and all the hurry scurryy around me tendsl to set me off and I have to get away from it. I know because of the hlep that my famliy has given me, I have fallen in love with my wife and the rest of my family all over again. I find when I am extreemly focused on something that I can talk and wright quiet well. But that amount of concentraation is greatly tiring and causes me to become unsteady for awhile. My mind is starting to ramble to I will say good bye for now.

God Bless You and This Country of Ours!
joe

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A WARRIOR'S LAMENT (By: j.v.potocny)

I kneel before thee
Upon bended knee
My battle axe rusts upon a tree
The Steed that served me well
Now runs free and frail
He served us both with grace and might
Let him rest well each night
There is no deadly mace
That you can see before my face
Gone is my shield which I cannot hold
All that is before you is my sword and face
I have stood tall in all battles
With You I have won and battles song sung
Many with scars some with none
Since a child I have fought the fight
Now I wish for it to end this night
My strength is dried up and gone
No longer does exist that fierce warrior in me
I long to face only Thee
This battle I am in is lost and so am I
So before You I am on bended knee
Prostrate would I lay
But this body is to broken and brittle this day
So I lay before you all I have left
Worn, beaten, yearning, to you I give my soul
No longer in the dust of battle let me roam
I await You and Your Hand to take me in your time
I pray Thee take ME HOME
In Your Name Amen.

Joe

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