Caregivers and Death

I was reading a discussion on Caregiver.com about people with AD & likes dying and the time it takes and how to handle it.  First I want to say that those who say celebrate the persons life are correct. To that I add do not morn for that is self serving and arrogant. Because I feel that it is only a self pitty thing, why am I alone now, they had no right, etc.

I said my good byes long ago to my family when we knew what was going on and freely talk about my passing. Quiet frankly I cannot wait. You see on this side of the fence we cannot escape any of the ravages in anyway but death, you can get relief and put us in homes how nice for you. I have in hte past expressed my feelings on these things, we are still kept silent and still put away. Well while I am alive and can I hope I promote some real thought over this home putting crap. I kind of understand, you are 78 and the only one to cae for your loved one, home may be or is the right place. My bitch is with the offspring, how would have it been when you got sick mom and dad just sent you away or sent you to other family members and they passed you on, because it casused extra time of your day to care. Think about it. I know my wife and I have been there every step of the way for our kids, sickness, catatrosphic illnesses, major accidents, arrests, drug and alcohol problesm we have seen them all but have been there, no matter how old they have gotten or how much we did not want to be involved, but they are our family and we do what families do, take care of each other.
I guess no one really hanlesd death well that remains behind, but just think of us that go ahead  of you we are set free, no more of the confusion, frustration, pain, forgettfulness, not know who or what anything or anyone is, no more diapers, rubber sheets, being hand fed or laying in bed all the time. I am wiery of the fight and now just let it work its job so that I can win in the end by passing. I reallly hate this feeling great and in control one moment and the nothing makes sense and seems to be real or knowing where the fuck I am or what I am doing.

I need to stop. Take care of yourselves.

God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!!!!
joe

PS> to those that voted I applaud you, to those that did not and could have keep you mouths shut you gave up the right to say anything. Maybe next time you will get your head out of your ass and use your right to vote.

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A Request

Many of you may not know, because the media does not care this is NATIONAL ALZHEIMER'S AWARENESS MONTH. Let your local papers know, let us see if they have the balls to say anything.

Again I ask for pictures, birth year and year of passing of loved ones that died from this damnable disease. Two of you have heard. They need to be remembered for they are the faces of Alzheimer's.

(Yes I used spell checker, so I cheated)!

If you like this blog I ask you to click on the Wellsphere voting Icon on the right and vote for it. I know that many on Wellsphere do not necessarily like it, I am not a caregiver or dr. I just suffer from the disease and try to tell how my life is deteriorating and getting worse as we move to my physical death. Yes the 7th leading cause of death. Probably if death certificates showed the real agent that caused death I am sure that it would be higher. Most to feared diagnosis so it is said, is you have Cancer and You Have Alzheimer's. Help me spread the word Please.

Till next time thanks for your thoughts and help.

God Bless You & This Country of Ours!
Joe

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Through The Fog Comes Anger.

I have beeen reaing some of the blogs I follow this morning, which I can do from inside my blog. I get disturbed easily, especially by those in the "Medical Practice" and what they try to push. These are the very people (not necessarily the ones I read) that have told somany that live with me in theis World of Mine, that we were ok, just anxious, depressed and absent minded. See we did not fit in their fuckin little box, we did not adhere to pages 89-101 so we could not have any form of dementia. Now some of them have joined us in this world of ours and are bitching that people say they cann't have it because, THE BOX, is square not distorted. Mean this may sound but, you diserve to hear that crap your profession spit out at me and thousands like me. I make no appologies for letting you know how I feel, you see my life is worth just as muchas yours and I am loosing it more and more each day. It is harder for me to talk, walk and maintain train of thought in a conversation. I even forget who the people are around me more now. Probably by this time next year, if I am still around, my body will be here, but I will not. Alhziemers is doing its job on me and having a good time at it.
I saw a youtube asking fatso Oprah to help. This woman is only interested in her money and famous friends that may have this disease or know someone that does, than she does a show on it. It just discusts me to beg such people. It is us who do these blogs and what HBO did for us that is going to make the difference. Yeah the baby boomers are getting worried, WHY?, because a whole hell of alot of them are starting and will joine us here in the World of Forgetfullness. Where we these people when we cried out for help, toooo busy to hear us.
Wait till you look at your wife or children and have no idea why these people are in your house and what the hell do they want. Then the old mind comes back and you know you left, you want terror there it is. Come walk with me in my World and see how brown the grass is.

God Bless You & This Country of Ours!!!
joe

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Dropped Call * Dead Zone

This is how I feel in the World of mine, like a droppped call or just the buzzing on the line. The thoughts are there but the connection to the jaw finds a dead zone. No messeages come or go out. It gets frustrating as you talk and sudddenly the line goes dead and your jaw stops and you look at the person and you choke up trying to get the words out and suddenly even the thought is gone. Emptiness in the brain cell. It happens when trying to write on this blog, I sit and have things to say and then the brain, fingers and keys on the keyboard become strangers. I go nowhere without someone with me, not good idea. Now the family worries because of the heart problems, I just look at it as one moore thing to add to the list, someday I will get through the list and have to start over, why, because i won't remember the beginning of it, so I will not know if I got to the end. This all makes perfect sense to me. But then so does waxy ear build up, whatever the hell that means. I know I do like hearing from folks who stop by and take the time to read my babble, strange humor and other things.

If you want to know about me truly, read my post, A Warriors Lament, it tells about me from beginning to where I am at now.You may not understand it, but I do and that is what matters to me. Well for now have fun and be kind to yourself.

God Bless You & This Country of Ours!
Joe

PS: VOTE TOMORROW - I HAVE ALREADY.

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Only Us With AD & The Likes Would Think of This!

an email that was forwarded to me. my life in a nutshell.

AAADD
KNOW THE SYMPTOMS.....


PLEASE READ

Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder.
Somehow I feel better even though I have it.

Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. -
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway,
I l ook over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage,
I notice mail on the porch table that
I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table,
put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,
and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back
on the table and take out the garbage first.

But then I think,
since I'm going to be near the mailbox
when I take out the garbage anyway,
I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table,
and see that there is only one check left.
My extra checks are in my desk in the study,
so I go inside the house to my desk where
I find the can of Pepsi I'd been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks,
but first I need to push the Pepsi aside
so that I don't accidentally knock it over.

The Pepsi is getting warm,
and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi,
a vase of flowers on the counter
catches my eye--they nee d water.

I put the Pepsi on the counter and
discover my reading glasses that
I've been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk,
but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter,
fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.
Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,
I'll be looking for the remote,
but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table,
so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,
but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers,
but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back on the table,
get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to
remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:
the car isn't washed
the bills aren't paid
there is a warm can of Pepsi sitting on the counter
the flowers don't have enough water,
there is still only 1 check in my check book,
I can't f ind the remote,
I can't find my glasses,
and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,
I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day,
and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem,
and I'll try to get some help for it,
but first I'll check my e-mail....

Do me a favor.
Forward this message to everyone you know,
because I don't remember who the hell I've sent it to.

Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming

By the way don't forget to VOTE!

God Bless You & This Country of Ours!
joe

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