Who Am I Now?

I no lonegr know wo Joe is. It is like i have become two different people. Actually the same but in two different worlds.  I feel like the Joe I was is sitting up in the balcony at a play. And i see the actors on the stage and they are me and those I know, but I am no longer part of their world or they mine.The world they are in, i am all screwed up in and walkand talk in circles. But the Joe in the Balcony is who he once was, this is getty scarey now. I knew things would happen but not this. I am starting to progress faster each day and it is harder to get here to write and tell you.  I have a new computer, an all in one, so only a screen sits on my desk. all is wireless, mouse, keybaord, internet and i have a remote. built in webcam and mic, touch screen, boy can i scrtew things up with this. The voice recogn. prog. andme are having a battle, it spells worse then me. Once I get it down if I do.My posts will be written by it, so you will get all he what the f***ks and things as I forget where I am and doing.

Will be making book available soon in digital format for everyone around the world to get. have to addd to my buy button.and stuff.

God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!
joe

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Posting On This Blog

Only one rule to those invited to post, must be on dementia any type and you are free to be explicit. If a caregiver your thoughts, what you have learned, what you see, etc. One always has something to say even if it is I cannnot take this crap anymore.

Please check out the In Memory Of page udates. If you want a love one added, use email form on bottom, or email me at jolynn1@cox.net  I need name, birth year, date set free and a picture.

This is our home please join in. If you would like to be able to post here using above guidlines let me know? Remember abuse the priviledge and u will be cut off and so will your post. You know language is not always a criteria here, but honesty is.

I have had the honor of speakinnng to Alan Rodgers, the nut, who is climbing the 7 highest summits on each connntinent for Alzheimer's Awareness. I call him a nut because he climbs these mountains, me I fall down them. He is going to keep us in the looop. He has reached over 20 million people already through the presss coverage and talk shows he has been on.  Alzheimer's took his mother about 1½ yrs. ago, so this is his mission and is takking us with him.  May God go with you Alan.

God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!!!!
joe

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Caregivers and Death

I was reading a discussion on Caregiver.com about people with AD & likes dying and the time it takes and how to handle it.  First I want to say that those who say celebrate the persons life are correct. To that I add do not morn for that is self serving and arrogant. Because I feel that it is only a self pitty thing, why am I alone now, they had no right, etc.

I said my good byes long ago to my family when we knew what was going on and freely talk about my passing. Quiet frankly I cannot wait. You see on this side of the fence we cannot escape any of the ravages in anyway but death, you can get relief and put us in homes how nice for you. I have in hte past expressed my feelings on these things, we are still kept silent and still put away. Well while I am alive and can I hope I promote some real thought over this home putting crap. I kind of understand, you are 78 and the only one to cae for your loved one, home may be or is the right place. My bitch is with the offspring, how would have it been when you got sick mom and dad just sent you away or sent you to other family members and they passed you on, because it casused extra time of your day to care. Think about it. I know my wife and I have been there every step of the way for our kids, sickness, catatrosphic illnesses, major accidents, arrests, drug and alcohol problesm we have seen them all but have been there, no matter how old they have gotten or how much we did not want to be involved, but they are our family and we do what families do, take care of each other.
I guess no one really hanlesd death well that remains behind, but just think of us that go ahead  of you we are set free, no more of the confusion, frustration, pain, forgettfulness, not know who or what anything or anyone is, no more diapers, rubber sheets, being hand fed or laying in bed all the time. I am wiery of the fight and now just let it work its job so that I can win in the end by passing. I reallly hate this feeling great and in control one moment and the nothing makes sense and seems to be real or knowing where the fuck I am or what I am doing.

I need to stop. Take care of yourselves.

God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!!!!
joe

PS> to those that voted I applaud you, to those that did not and could have keep you mouths shut you gave up the right to say anything. Maybe next time you will get your head out of your ass and use your right to vote.

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AD Still Hard At Work!

I have good and bad days and some are jus plain roten. Believe it or not days I post generaly are not good. Because I start with what I want to post and it just runs out of the brain. It feels like a TV getting good picture and suddleny fuzz, static funny voices, it is realy frustrating.

Well a copuple of days ago we got a new evaluation on where I am, like it really helps me because I never know anyway. We have moved right along to Early Stages of Severe Alzheimer's. Bastard moves fast, but that is the way it is.

New links will be coming and a site added to help you caregivers speak out to each other more to come, I just need to re read emails and get my butt in gear.

Thanks for being there for me and part of the family.

God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!!!
joe

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Locked In Time.

While this is still in my brain cell, the wife and I were talking last night, we are strange we do that. We were discusing yesterday and tomorrow.  To me there is no longer a tomorrow, it does not exsit and she asked me if I wanted it to come and I said not really or something like that. It just seems that tomorrow does not matter anylogner to me. Yesterday, well that is not 24 hours ago to me, but it seems like centuries and having no meaning. Lynn says I am in a time warp, who knows. All I know or thik I know is that time for me is right now, not 10 minutes from now or past just right now. It is a strange feeling, I guess my ½ brain cell is on overload.

I got a comment from a young lady in Romania and she was worried about her English. Well is was perfect and really young one, this is not the place to worry about it. As you read you will see what I mean. I welcome you and the other new folks I have heard from to this World of Mine. You never know waht will come out of my brain, and neither do I.

God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!!!!
joe

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I Can Take Directions???????

I was told do not shoot the refrigerator.  Last hunting trip it was still alive and well. I just look straight in and not at the botoom creatures. They call but I do not listen I just hear them, kind of like your kids do.

Went and saw my shrink today and we changed meds again, or actually I did.  Told him the last stuff he gave me I think it was lats month was at the hazardous waste dump. It ripped my system apart. Back on the old stuff, feeling fine, except have to get the old poop train back on track and the fund dissolver as well.

having fun refinishing a cedar chest, of course my friened Bobby had to sand the thing, otherwise it would have had mountain ranges and gorges in it. He did a beautiful job on the sanding. Yess my staining and varnishing shills are excellent except the stuff makes me loopy, just what I need.

To all of you who visit here and leave your comments, I deeply appreciate them. You who claim to have nothing to say, I say bull, HELLO works well. Nothing important to add, the fact that you stop by, say hello or whatever is important to me and the rest of this world family we have created.So do not be shy.

God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!!!!!
joe

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Needing Space

Just so all of you understand, we remodeled a few years ago.  Things were in an uproar then and we have not done any remodeling in the house lately.  We just painted the patio outside and have been working on his ponds for the last year.  So where there was at one time alot of things going on it has died down alot.  Joe has even mentioned that it seems that we have come to a standstill on doing things around here.  It is just recently that he has mentioned that he is not comfortable in the downstairs of the house.  He will go up to watch tv at 8 at night and stay awake until 2 or 3.  I do not know what is going on with this new emotion.  He has his space at the ponds but in the house it is the sanctuary of our room that he seems to be the most comfortable.  It is completely opposite of what he used to do.  Joe would love to change things.  We would paint or move stuff and then it was time to start over again.  The house always needed to change and so did he.  Not so anymore.  Joe would like to do stuff but then when it comes time to do it he backs off.  The same for going out.  He has a hard time just going out with me to the store.  Part if the problem is physically being able to walk without to much problem and the other is the fact that there are so many people around.  We were in the store a while back and I let him go down one aisle looking for something and when he walked sown the aisle that I was in he looks right at me and continued on, he came back to the aisle and said I know you.  Little scary.  So I have to not let him go because even though he seems ok when we are together it is the what happens when we are not together that is scary. But try and tell him that. It comes back down to them wanting to prove that they can still do things the old way.  So once again it is good luck with who you have.  I do believe that change is not a good thing with these guys and that the more stable and calm things are the better.
Take care
Lynn

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