Showing posts with label strain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label strain. Show all posts

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Yesterday i had blood drawn for tests for my physical next week. Then I spent the rest of the morning with my phsycologist . It was interesting, i have seen mim for nearly 7 years or so with breaks. We were talingi about the so called new advances in Alzheimer's and the new guide lines for diag. and treating. Funny part about it is as we talked he remembered I had said most of this years agao. And it has been posted on this blog in various forms over the years. I dound that all to be interesting that these so called experts only needed to talk to me or someone like me with the disease to get these startling new ideas and would have cost nothing. But what the fuck do we know, we are sick and mindless. But it does add credability to sites like mine, that we know what they cannot figure out.
I had another doctor write me recently, and the gist of what he said as I could understand it and questioning him on what he said is that he basically in simple terms agrees about the profession, and pharma companies, they all have their heads up their collettive asses and only promote drugs for money sake, because no matter how you want to cut it, the drugs DO NOT WORK! It is still about 8 years from diag. to the end drugs or no drugs. Our paper here had an article today about a former mayor, whose wife was diag. 7 years ago and just died. I know we hear about the 15 to 20 year sufferers, but they only exist because someone was smart enough to notice it in its infancy stages. The ten or so years of true EOA which most pros call DDSS, my term for Distraticed, Depressed, Stress, Syndrome.
I have my moments, what is difficult is getting what is in my brain cell, down to my fingers and then getting them to type what it is that is their. I have to do it quickly or if I think to long ( 5-6  seconds) it is gone and never gets said.
I know from some mail i got i insulted the Alz.org, but i want you to know that was intentional. Yes they help caregivers, they have done shit for me and I have contacted them many times. Even my local San Diego Chapter, who I gave copies of my book to for their lending library. And they wanted me to help with things and with the State, YES YES YES i said. Their ultimate answer and reuests have been complete silence, and I have heard this from others, including some Drs. I know their are good people working for them and my attack if you will is not on them, but what seems to be an organizzational lax of understanding the sufferer. Oh yes they know it is not pretty, but it does not seem that they have the first idea of the real terror in our minds and the loneliness and the difficulty we have telling anyone, because we know you do not know or understand this hell, you are not in it.
Time to shut up, i am getting to angry and feel like telling most everyone out there to fuck off, but we are family and I need you and I think you need me also while I can spout off and make some sense.

God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!
joe

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Alzheimer's - The Miss Understanding of Many People

What follows is a statement made of Caring.com by a supposed, i use the term very loosely and with distain, 20yr Professional Caregiver.  Persons words just prove what I have said here, we are not understood and we need a voice, and not from the professionals.  My response to this very ill informed ass and Lynn's is there also.  Pleaase understadn that most of the people on Caring.com are really people who care and are trying to undeerstand and get good information not this type of pure crap and idiocracy.
"it's an illness, it's difficult but it's not ugly, horrible, demeaning, cruel.
i know that no-one i ever look after ever could remember my name, but i remember theirs. and i walk beside them. that's what caregiving is. it's not oppositional, it's walking beside who this person actually is now. it's about forgiving them for their illness."
Frena wrote the above. Well maybe if you had the disease Lady, you might just find out how ugly, horrible, deameaning, cruel and damnable it is. See I suffer from it, so do not hand me that load of crap. And i do not need yours or anyone elses forgiveness for me having this disease. Expert you are not, you do not live in this world. I and over 5 million people at present in thsi countyr of orus do.
Joseph
/this is Joe's wife, Lynn, I am surprised that he was very calm in the response to your letter. This is a disease. It is ugly and horrible. Nobody wants to loose their minds and that is what happens with Alzheimer's. I do not know of anybody that has this disease who needs to ask for forgiveness from you or anybody else. The people who have cancer which is a disease don't ask for forgiveness why should the people who have Dementia. Maybe you need to rethink your profession.


Read more: http://www.caring.com/questions/tell-parent-she-has-alzheimers#ixzz1ITq5Jin3



God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!!!
joe

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Some GrandParent Humor Today

I received the following email from my mother-in-law. So I thought rather than being a pain in the ass today, that comes later, we would have a little humor, at least i found it so.

Have you ever  wondered what the difference is between Grandmothers  and
Grandfathers? 

Well, here it is: There was this loving  grandfather who always made a special
effort to spend time with his son's  family on weekends. Every Saturday morning
he would take his 7-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some
quality time -- just  him and his granddaughter. 

One particular Saturday, however, he had a  bad cold and really didn't feel like
being up at all. He knew his  granddaughter always looked forward to their
drives and would be  disappointed.  Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and
said that she  would take their granddaughter for the drive. When they returned,
the  little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather who was still in
bed. "Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?" he asked. "Oh, yes,  PapPap,
it was really wonderful.  We didn't see a single  asshole, blind bastard,
dipshit or son of a bitch anywhere we  went!" 



Almost brings a tear to your eye, doesn't  it?



God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!!!!!
joe
PS> God love grandpa's to.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Posting Elsewhere

Yes I have been answering some posts on a site called Caring.Com, yes for so called experts and in my opinion some real whiny caregivers, but a good place for most of you to go for your help and discussion needs. Links will be on the side of my blog after this posting.
You all know how direct I am, so expect to be, being asked not to post anymore. I have not held back anything in my postings, to so called experts and the poor little itsy bitsy caregivers. Wine, need crackers & cheese. Come on this side of the fence, we have nowhere to go to escape except when we DIE, You can tell the discussion I got in really pissed me off. But that is the way it is.  I doubt how long I will still be able to post, we are entering that wild downward ride side. I loose people in conversations and sit idle at the dinner table so I am told and frankly I no longer remember yesterday, let alone this morning.
Till next tirade be good to yourselves and check the new links.

God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!
joe

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Me a Tyrant?

Really now, such a gentle wonderfull and forgiving person as I, a Tyrant. The truth be known I can be a little, just a little over zelous at times. Ok maybe tyranical to some degree. Lynn is mostly correct in what she has written although I am not sure if I even am with them as much as they may believe.


I feel things slipping more and more away from me. Going out has almost become a big no no with me. I do not want to leave my security. On the other hand I no longer want to be in this house. I feel like I have done here what I was suppose to and I am now to move on. It is a feeling I cannot explain, it is like a driving force that pushes me to do whatever it is that I am to do. Writting and talking about it does not change it, it is there and it is real. Before in life I did not hesitate to follow it. Now I am confused and frustrated over the feeling and lately very unhappy over things. I guess this is part of this world I live in now, no longer sure of feelings, thoughts, direction or security of where I am. All I know is that I am here stuck and not knowing when to get off the bus at the correct stop.

I wonder or should I say wander within my own mind what is taking place, why, where and how do I get around this bastard that is following me and sucking my thoughts away. Who am I today, not who I was 10 years ago I think and not even sure of yesterday. Yesterday is a strange word to me, since everything happend yesterday, not last week, years ago, but just yesterday. Family and friends around to help, yes I am lucky that way I guess, but they fuckin piss me off, I feel that they hover, whether they do or not is not the point it is how I feel and it makes me feel trapped.  Now if they didn's I probably would get angry that no one gave a dam. No fun in this brain these days.


God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!
Joe

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Reading Blogs

I spent sometine today reading some friends blogs and leaving my ever uplifting comments. But you folks that change your links, dam tell me so I can keep my list correct. I list you so others can read as well. Hopefully the remaining 6 people I have invited will have the balls to post and the others will continue.

  • I would post daily if I could remember, but I start processing an entry and it starts one way, goes another, then turns left and winds up in the back forty, lost and me with it. Hope the changes are to you liking if not to bad, deal with it.
  • Like a legal pleading now.
  • Find days are slipping by quicker.
  • The brain is getting bluer. Always wanted to be a blue blood, but I have obtained higher standards I am a blue brain, Ok a dumbshit.
  • I was at my mens support group the other night, one of the guys there mothers has AD and wwe talk about it and he told me once that you could hardly tell, but his family insisted. He sees her every couple of months or so. Just got back and said he spent 4 hours with her and he was her brother and did not know what town they were in. He was a bit taken back. I asked is she about 4 years or so out from being labeled, he said yes and that she was on Aricipet (wonder drug, not). He asked me why and I told him the truth, she is on schedule. Also the A drug was for well toilet bowl cleaning in my opinion and many others. We hugged I cried for him and prayed for her to be set free soon. These are the real stories of AD not the commercials on TV or the movies, this is what it really does to us. Like a thief in the nite it suddenly takes what it wants when it wants.
  • God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours! (The Rest of The World Needs Help Also)
  • Joe

Friday, January 29, 2010

Hello From Petaluma!

We are here in Petaluma. That is between San Fran and Santa Rosa. Wheather has been ok.

Our Daughter Morgan is doing fine and grandson Lucas is progressing well. He is breathing totally on his own and is now eating. So tense times are lessening. We will be here another week or so. I really wish I was home, that is safe haven for me. Plus I have some idea wherre I am there.

Other three grandkids driving me a little batty, have hard time dealing with them and their energy, trying to keeep things straight is not easy, oh well.

Will keep you updated as I reemember.

God Bless You & This Country of Ours!
joe

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Couple of Things.

Well I am back here at the monster again.

I am still asking for those of you who would like their loved ones, friends, etc. who have passed from AD to send me their picture, first name, birth year and year of being set free. As you see so far only 3 people have felt that their loved one's should be honored, what about the rest of you? Yes I can get snotty.

The chatroom will disappear soon, I only paid for it for a year and I do not know if anyone has used it, so goes life.

Also NOTICE if you have skype on your computer, headphones, microphone and speakers you can call me free just click on CALL ME button. If i am on we will talk.

Things in this world of mine are getting a bit out of touch with me. I feel like I am beginning to seperate into two different folks, the one who knows (as if I ever did) what they are doing and one who hasn't a clue.

We finally finished our second KOI pond, Sept to now, not bad. Waiting for the season to warm up to bring in new fish, lost ½ of my others. Home projects I still like but they are becoming very hazardous to me. I built a square box around the pond for cemment so that the pavers vor the patio could be laid straight and shot my self in the finger with the nail gun. Then while laying the bricks one by one and setting them I smashed the same finger with the mallet, of course I really warmed up for that brick setting. Finally has feeling coming back in it. Golden years, kiss my butt.

Wife is now home with me for not sure how long, I guess until she cannot take me anymore or I send her back to work. Wants to do toooooo many things. What a pest, but I love her, so sorry guys I am keeping her, in it for the money now.

I am still amazed at my friend Mary in Canada, how she posts almost daily, I just cannot get it together to do that.

If you have a blog or website, that is not in my lisk of links and want it there email me jolynn1@cox.net with the name and I will enter it. I do follow alll the links I have, in the back part of blogger you can list those you want to follow and you get continual updates as people post, really neat. I just need to comment more, get to involved then forget what I am doing and walk away in disgust,

Well before I babble a brook you all have a great day. I am going to hide from the rain.

God Bless You & This Country of Ours!
Joe

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Better Late Than Never.

I know I am a day late and a dollar short but; HAPPY NEW YEARS TO YOU ALL. I want to thank all of you that have followed my blog, sent me coments, emails, good and thos not so. Even the ones I had to have interpreted for me or replying with , WHAT? See you need to keep it simple and clear for me, my one time brain cell hsa shrunk to about ¼ of its size this past year.

My family and I hope and wish all the best for you and yours in the coming New Year and years to come.

For me 2006 was not as good as 2005, 2007 got a little worse, 2008 things got on the move, and last year 2009 this disease reallly started to make itself known. So things being what they are I would imagine 2010 is going to be interesting as I trudge this happy road of Alhzeimer's and FTD.

For now take care catch you on the other side.

God Bless You & This Country of Ours!
Joe

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Alhzeimer's & Marriage

I received a comment from a gentleman whose wife has early stage AD. It seems this has affected his marriage quite a bit. Trust me that is an understatement, it has litterally screwed mine up. I have asked my wife to post her side on the blog, but she is reluctant for whatever reasons.

I know that she has one heck of a time with me, I am extremely moody at times, I get lost in conversations and I go off elsewhere in my mind on a dime. The other day we were talking and as usually Mr. Brilliant here got lost and could not even get a word out, the wife answered for me and was right. Her words to me were "Aren't you glad I know you?" my reply was yes someone has to because I do not know me anymore. This is starting to get scarey now. I have been going to post for the last couple of days, just does not happen. It certainly has messed up our sex life, I cannot even keep things going, because my mind suddenly goes off to War, or the Circus or some such fuckin thing and I am no longer involved in the situation or I just plain fall asleep.

I cannot even imagine how my commentor or my wife feel. I am not even sure how I feel at any given moment. At times I am on my game and then there is no game I have lost my processes and cannot get back. Yes I can write because I can stop and come back and start over, but in my real world it just does not work that way.

To my friend I am truly sorry for your situation, I will not say Hey it is ok it will be fine, because the truth is it will not get better only worse. I do hope the Lord continures to give you the strength you need for each day, we are a hand full.

God Bless You & This Country of Ours!
Joe

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Time Marches On

My wife and I were discusing what cognaitve and occupational skills meant. Because they confuse me. Of course cognaitve is thinking, record keeping, more complex problem solving, well forget hat one. Occupational are those things such as typing, cooking, walking and general doing things. Well we looose on that score to. At least I still can brush my teeeth without putting the brush up my nose. That is it for today, whatelse is there.

God Bless You and This Country of Ours!
Joe

Sunday, August 2, 2009

As The Weeks Go By

The last few weeks I have beeen working with others to bring more excitement to my blog
things I havve added, I once could have done in minutes by myself, they have taken days with help. Things are not well in my head nor do they seeem to be inside either. My shrink has suggested I go back to my physco. guy and my physician for some help. But I am a stubborn bastard and well you can guess the rest.

If I can remember why i have the note on my computer that says "BLOG" maybe I will post more often, even when I have nothing to say, which is gettting to be most of the time now.

God Bless You and This Country of Ours!
Joe

PS No brains, if David S. would send me the linke to his blog, use the email form near botton I would be glad to read & comment and tie to my blog.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

From The Clouds Comes The Darkness.

Some or many of you know I quit drivnig a long time ago, by my choice because of the danger I was, then my drs. told me not too, they were a litttle behind the curve. Well now the check book has a problem, ME. so the wife has to take that ove now. See they call this MCI (mild cognetive impairment), up my ass. Come live in my brain and tell me how mild this bull is. See how you like it when you stand up turn around and do not know where the hell you are or the wall hits your face or your world spins. Get lost in the talk you are havngi. Set and stare at the computer and not know why you are looking at it. MCI explains it all. The Dr. who first coined this phrase had brain cell farts in my book and sure didn't know mild from a hole in the ground. But of course he knows it to be so, he is smart, right.

Well let me go I need to practice for Moderat Cognitive Impairment, so I don't know what the fuck or what the hell I am doing. That should be fun.

All you caregivers remember MCI and see how you think of it. Your thoughts much welcomed. By the way you Drs. and Holistic nits that send me your causes and cures go away, I have checked out studies and they do not work. Some provide a year or so of added time, then the person is right where they should have been, big service you do. Yes, I was told how herpes causes AD and then had an advertisement at the end of the email for vits and herbs to help cure and slow down. I guess I must really come across as a moron and totaly stupid. But this posts are getting harder and I am getting more, well less friendly and tired.

God Bless,
Joe

Monday, June 1, 2009

My View On The World Today.





Nothing Else Be Said!

Monday, May 25, 2009

We Will Always Remember!!!!!!!!




Lest we forget why we are FREE!!!!! To OUR TROOPS and FALLEN COMRADES, I Salute You.

God Bless You All & God Bless Our Country!!!SmileyCentral.comSmileyCentral.com
Joe

Thursday, April 30, 2009

No Where To Go--------


The picture is of me and my elsdet granddaughter. She is 6 today, Ms. Emma Nichole.

I have ben trying to get stuf done on my computer today, but I am just lost as to what I am trying to do. Postit notes allover the place, printed emails to reed and get throug. Just is not working. I haven sitting here looking at my note that saays blog and trying to get to this. Sometimes I just feel completly lost and have no idea where to go to do things. I feel like the odl brain is really slowing down and it wants to go somewhere and not with me. I just dont want to. Whateles can I say.

God Bless You and This Country of Ours!
joe

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

How things change.

Since I have been so blessedd with these wonderful diseasess it is strange to me how I have been changing and changing towards others. I am not to concerned with what they think or have to say. I am getting more self absorbed you could say. I am not sure if this is part of the way this thing goes, but it is how I am starting to feel, it is as if others do not exist in my World, hard to describe this feeling as my commmand of the language is going to hell in a hand basket. I more and more do not enjoy going out and having people around me. The noisse and all the hurry scurryy around me tendsl to set me off and I have to get away from it. I know because of the hlep that my famliy has given me, I have fallen in love with my wife and the rest of my family all over again. I find when I am extreemly focused on something that I can talk and wright quiet well. But that amount of concentraation is greatly tiring and causes me to become unsteady for awhile. My mind is starting to ramble to I will say good bye for now.

God Bless You and This Country of Ours!
joe

Monday, August 25, 2008

My Life Today

Lately i have not told how I feel and what is happening. So, I feel like shit, the affects of this disease are catching up. I cannot be out walking and such for more than ½ hour or I feel like I am about to leave this pldace. I find converstions more and more difficult, unless I am truly angry or extremely focused on one point. Any distratction and I am lost.It is difclut I know for others to understand how hard it can be to hold a conversation, they are draining and hurt. My trembling is worse, my head spins when I turn in, hitting the ground is quiet annoying and becoming uncofortbale. Forgetting in the midle of something I am doing really ticks me off to know end, because I cannot get back to where I was, it is just plain gone. I just hope this blog helps someone.

God Bless You and This Country of Ours!
joe

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Howdy


It has been awhile since I posted, I sit down in fromt of this thing to do it and that is wehere it ends.I have been in sort of a place that I am not famliar with, don't ask where because I do not know. Physically I am starting to suffer more of the progress of this wonderfulo disease. It is begning to scare me more now. I stand in the house, and wonder where the hell I am. After awhile I lie down on the couch or whatever and go to sleep and the hours go away. So does the confusion and mystery fo what things are. I feel more lonely in theis World of Mine now even when people are areound me. Sometimes waking up and seeing my wife next to me scares the living (&(&^^ out of me because I am not sure who she is. Then the brain kicks in a all is well. I tire quickly and fall alot now, I guess that old Ford has caught up to me and passed me by.

I used to wonder what tomorrow would bring, now I am not sure about the rest of today. I do this for you who care for those like me so you know why we act the way we do and it has nothing to do with you, it is us.

God Bless You and this Country of Ours!
Joe

Friday, June 27, 2008

You Got To Be Kidding!


Recently I was told this about me telling you about my life with this disease. The individual even found it funny and without purpose. Wel that is ok, because I am here for me and for those who care for people like me and are like me. This is not fun and games this is real life. It iss difficult to lay out your life and how you feel. I once started sometime ago I cannot remember when posting my life story on a site, I am but one person in over 6 billion on this earth, who would care. I started getting so many emails I could not go through one days worth in a day. I was blunt and just as forthwritht in the story as I try to be here. You know when you just roll out of bed and land on the floor and are not sure why you are there I try to laugh, yes I do that. I walk into wals, sit on the floor and just fall over.I hate going past my mailbox alone, it scares me, I am leaving my security place and I actually run back, because I am afraid I will forget where it is. Sometimes you can talk like the wind with folks other times you just stare and wonder who they hell is this person and what are they doing here. The problem is you have no control over it.wrighting tihis takes all my ability to consentrate and generally I go to sleep afterwards, my brain fills like it has been crushed, I like some that live in this World of Mine do not want to be here anymore, it hurts to look at those you know, but you cannot talk to them, because the brain and mouth cannot find each other.Emotions are a real mountain, boy when they start to flow, their is no stopping them until you are tottally wiped out. The pains of the past that you thought were dealt with and now at rest, rear their ugly heads with a vengance. That is while early on in this ordearl I tried to contact old friends and put things to rest, without telling them what was happening, I got yeah I kind of remember but forget it doesn't matter, thanks but don't call again and out right anger, well that is the way it goes. If I have the time and my brain stays with me or me with it I think I shall post in segements my life story, for me. I getting lost now so good bye my friends till next time.

God Bless You and This Country of Ours!
Joe