Strangers in the Midst.

I have done my veyt best to fight this disease with all the mental strenght that I have had. I have allowed it to take its tolll on me physically because my mind was more important and is who anaad what I am. Well itt has marched on and I have not, it is to the point I look at those in my house and wonder who they are. I know I sould know them but I do not. I pretend to be in touch but well Mr. Alzheimer's has taken over and made him serlf at home. I rarely hear from any friends or see them, I hardly hear from any of you anylonger. There once was a time the commentss and emails were difficult to keep up with, now the emptiness of that is setting in. I know everyoe has their proble,s and life to live, but the anger that this disease hels to raise, while not really justified, it happens and and this world of mine has grown smaller, colder, darker and emptier and really not worth being here, I pray and even beg to be taken, but it is in his time. I have nothing more to offer or give and do not know why i am here.
Well i am loooosing my train of thought so take care of yourselves.

God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours! (Amd je Rest pf upi as We;;)
joe

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I have a new name.

Yes thakns to you all I learned a new word.  I had to google it to find out what it meant, but none the less I like it. So i am KVECHTING, that makes me a KVECHTER. Yes a whinner, but I serve the wine, why do you not bring the cheese and crackers to the table?

Finally some of you let loose with what bothers you and I am glad, that is waht my blog is about, not only my journey and pain straight out, but you response straight out and back. No holds barred here. Do not be afraid of hurting my feelings with what you say, because I surely have no problem fighting back if it is called for.

I just want the real story about those of us in this World of Ours, told. Not by "experts", "researchers", yes "caregivers", etc. But by US!!! Yes you suffer the pains of helping us and watching us waste away to mere shadows of a one time person. Too many of those in my world are too afraid to say anything or are in denial and just do not want to tell anything.  Well we SUFFER greatly, we die many times, each day we die a little more, we forget who people are includdding our selves. I do not think you can really understand the anger and frustration of this. Sitting down to eat and you forgt how to use the fork or even what the fuck you are doing at the table. My own wife scares the shit out of me at time when she comes up to me, because at that moment, I have no idea who she it or what the hell she is doing in my house.

We do not go out much, I am afraid to leave my house or yards, because I may not return here, this is my safe place for me.

Well you all be good to yourselves.

God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!!
joe

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A Prior Post if You Will. With Added Comment.

A Warrior's Lament:    (by j.v. potocny)

                                                                   

I kneel before thee

Upon bended knee

My battle axe rusts upon a tree

The Steed that served me well

Now runs free and frail

He served us both with grace and might

Let him rest well each night

There is no deadly mace

That you can see before my face

Gone is my shield which I cannot hold

All that is before you is my sword and face

I have stood tall in all battles

With You I have won and battles song sung

Many with scars some with none

Since a child I have fought the fight

Now I wish for it to end this night

My strength is dried up and gone

No longer does exist that fierce warrior in me

I long to face only Thee

This battle I am in is lost and so am I

So before You I am on bended knee

Prostrate would I lay

But this body is to broken and brittle this day

So I lay before you all I have left

Worn, beaten, yearning, to you I give my soul

No longer in the dust of battle let me roam

I await You and Your Hand to take me in your time

I pray Thee take ME HOME

In Your Name Amen.

This more reflects my wishs of today and my feelings. I no longer like it here. I no longer communicate with those around me well. Most of the time I am in my own little world and do not want to be bothered by anyone. My wife has noticed more and more that I am not with those around me. This is not a friendly world it rather sucks. Things I once enjoyed are a chore, getting things done takes it seems like years to me. It feels at times like my brain is being crushed or squeezed down. It is not a headache but a sensation of being pushed out and away.

God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!

Joe

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When Will They Get IT Right?

The so caled pros that know everyghing, you know the PHDs, the ones with the Paper Hanging Degrees, they still know Jack Squat about this disease. Ant those of you out there withit, that write your wonderful books and taught your abilities to do so, you sure are a big help. Dr. Joe (not me) runs a blog that makes my fires burn, because he knows his mom died from it and still hears all the bs of 20 years ago today, with new hair brained ideas. You want the answers here we are standing ready to show you the way, but you alas are to stupid to realize that just maybe we hold the key and the lock.

Yes I am a tadd upset, because each day we help keep them boobs healthy and 15000 less a year die (which is good), more of us are let to go by the wayside. You see my world is getting worse each day, the one in my head, the one outside of me has been really fucked for just over a year now and going to get worse. Maybe it isn't so bad that I suffer from this Disease, soon I won't give a shit about any of you, because I will not know who the hell you are.

Well it is Turkey Month, this year I give it to the Medical Profession and The Do Nothing Politicians. Uncooked, ungutted, feathers and all, you won't be able to tell the difference any how.

To those I still love and care about.

God Bless You & This Country of Ours.
Joe

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With Sadness & Great Joy!

I will be posting another who has left this hell in which I live, that I call My World. Friend Arlene has pasted. I read it said of her that she lost the war but won the battle. I greatly disagree, she lost the battle but WON THE WAR. This disease takes our minds and bodies while it works, but you know the stupid bastard that it is, it winds up setting us FREE of its grip. So I ask in the final analysis, Who Wins?

I am sad that Arlenes' family has lost her vibrant character, but what joy they must also feel that she is now at peace and I believe with our Lord. I am jealous, her hell is over, mine is still going on and getting worse. Yes I can write, but I no longer can do the things I once did, my normal conversations leave some empty spaces. As I have said I have no concept of time. See I am writing now, I just got up and this is when I am at my best, few hours maybe less, well hello mindless.

I will post Arlenes picture later after I finish transfering it to my computer and stumble through the process of the posting.

Till Then.

God Bless You & This Country of Ours!
Joe

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As The Weeks Go By

The last few weeks I have beeen working with others to bring more excitement to my blog
things I havve added, I once could have done in minutes by myself, they have taken days with help. Things are not well in my head nor do they seeem to be inside either. My shrink has suggested I go back to my physco. guy and my physician for some help. But I am a stubborn bastard and well you can guess the rest.

If I can remember why i have the note on my computer that says "BLOG" maybe I will post more often, even when I have nothing to say, which is gettting to be most of the time now.

God Bless You and This Country of Ours!
Joe

PS No brains, if David S. would send me the linke to his blog, use the email form near botton I would be glad to read & comment and tie to my blog.

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I Am Back, Ready or Not.

You know, no you don't, but this damn disease is a real bitch at times. I find myself having to seperate and kind of hide to keep from lashing out. We have had our one daughter and grand kids and son in law with us almost 3 weeks I think, am not handlin this well. I love them, but.

My wife and I are starting to lock horns more, she thought my last post was rather mean and spiteful, I think that is how she put it. My reply was, well you guessed it eat shit and bark at the moon. I write what I feel and how I see it. It may be clouded it maybe one sided, but it is all I know. I make no excuses for what and how I put it. Those that live in this World with me, they know, they understand and hopefully I say what they cannot at least for now, while I am able to . Yes I am angry as I write this today, better to put it here than where else I might.

Ino We that live with AD, really find ourselves fucked up alot of the time, understanding the real confusion and loss we feel is difficult I know for those on the outside looking in. See we can not get back to the outside to look in, we are stuck here and sinking deeper. Try to imagine the darkness starting to encase you slowly and you cannot stop it and you want out and NO not for you. What is that old saying when Casey at The Bat struck out, there is no joy in mudville.

Well enough from me. You all have a great day and wonderful life.
God know the idiots in Washington won't fix it, but only screw us more.
joe

God Bless You & This Country of Ours!

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We Will Always Remember!!!!!!!!

Lest we forget why we are FREE!!!!! To OUR TROOPS and FALLEN COMRADES, I Salute You.

God Bless You All & God Bless Our Country!!!
Joe

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December Already!!!!

Yes it is that time of year again. For me Thanksgiving seems years ago. Time no longer has a start and finish for me. Well it will be here soon, probably sooner than I think and be gone before I know it was here. This year has been fillled with manny things for me. Or I think it was, I am no longger sure of it. But I still awake each day and breathe, I might looose most of the day but I am still there somewhere for it. Funny somedays I feel in total control and then for days I have no idea what is going on. I try to get to this each day, but at last it does not work that way. Early or not at all for the most part. Catch Ya All Later.

God Bless You & This Country of Ours!
Joe

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A WARRIOR'S LAMENT (By: j.v.potocny)

I kneel before thee
Upon bended knee
My battle axe rusts upon a tree
The Steed that served me well
Now runs free and frail
He served us both with grace and might
Let him rest well each night
There is no deadly mace
That you can see before my face
Gone is my shield which I cannot hold
All that is before you is my sword and face
I have stood tall in all battles
With You I have won and battles song sung
Many with scars some with none
Since a child I have fought the fight
Now I wish for it to end this night
My strength is dried up and gone
No longer does exist that fierce warrior in me
I long to face only Thee
This battle I am in is lost and so am I
So before You I am on bended knee
Prostrate would I lay
But this body is to broken and brittle this day
So I lay before you all I have left
Worn, beaten, yearning, to you I give my soul
No longer in the dust of battle let me roam
I await You and Your Hand to take me in your time
I pray Thee take ME HOME
In Your Name Amen.

Joe

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