May The Lord Bless You This Day & Always!!!!

From my family to yours a very Blessed and Happy Easter. To those of you who have entered this World of mine and do not celebrate the day, celebrate it with us for you are welcomed here.  To all I extend to you my hand so that YOU KNOW, THAT YOU, NEVER HAVE TO DO THIS THING CALLED LIFE ALONE EVER AGAIN.

Well I have started inviting some folks to be guest bloggers and we will see how this works. I have tried with a 24 hour chatroom for you, that was not used, different ways of talking not taken advantage of. See This is My Blog, but You are a part of it and I would like you to share in it. Only requirement is that you deal with dementia, as a caregiver, reasearcher or one on this road of unknown journey. Thanks Dr. Joe for being first to join in.

If you wish to join me and others here, just fill out the email form at the bottom of the right hand side and send me your email address and I will send you the info. Actually Blogger will send it for me.

Well the family has descended and I have found it necessary to retreat. I can only be a jungle jim for so long and I hurt. Body is definitely not what it once was, not that it was ever much to start with. My temper is much shorter and I have a hard time controlling me, so retreating works.

I feel lost today and not quite sure what the old brain wants besides to escape and be alone somewhere.

We may He Bless You All This Day and Forever.]

God Bless & Keep You and This Country of Ours and Yours!
Joe

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GOOD MORNING WORLD!

hope you are all fine. Chat seems to be working out ok. Have gotten to talk with some nice people. One in particular a 21 yr old woman in Boston, who at her age has taken on the daunting task of working in an Assisted Living Facility and going to host an Alhziemer's Proget meeting. I know what it takes to work in such a facility, you see that is where my mind was made up at an early age, while I handle the computer systems for 3 facilities, never would I live the way I saw. My heart broke working there.

I have gotten a few that well shall we say have not been really forward, challenge them and they disappear, oh well.

I have been told to write a bok about this journey and I hae tried but you know I thought about it and said yes good ideaa. But then I started to think, something ya thnik. I am writing a book here, completely unedited. Certainly not proof read and things but neatly. But this is a living book ever changing, always wanted to write one andnow my brain realizes after how many years at this, that I am.

A little slower on the uptake these days. Well now, I lost my train and my thoughts, fuck I hate this shit. Catch Ya Latter.

God Bless You & This Country of Ours!
Joe

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Lack of Feed Back!

I use to get many more emails and comments on my postings, with over 12,000 visitors I brain thinks I would hear more. I guess maybe of late I have tried to show too much humor and people want the gore. Well the humor is howw I keepp my self together. Without it thiss life would be darn near unbearabel. I is no fun trust me sitting here tryiing to write to you and tell you that the wolrd really sucks.I does not get out of my head to the keyboard when I want it to. Tihngs do not get better here, they just slowly go down hill. I read all the new studiies and new stuff to try and I really laugh at this so calllled professionals. They all contradict each other, I wonder if they are not suffers as well. March to stamp out Alhzeimers, RIGHT! Asses don't even know what really causes it to start wity, great progress in over 100 years. I am not thrilled with having AD & FTD, but that is the way it is period. You should try it some day, look at people you have been with for 30+ years and not even know who they are, let alone what the hell they are talking about. Damn most of the time I am not sure what I am saying or trying to say. Well old ½ of brain cell here will say good bye for now. Be good to yourselves.

God Bless You and This Country of Ours!
Joe

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Creating Memories in The Mist

As many of you that read my blog know how I feeel about leaving my grandchildren with found memories and not those to come. Welll my eldest and her two kids have ben with us during moving, unfotunately my other two in WA have not been My grandson likes to hide behiind the couch and table and rub my hair while I try to grab his hand he is 2 and it is a game. Both him and my granddaughter help me get off the couch and want to play. This old guy doesn't last long at though, but it is form them and the joy I do get. My granddaughter is starting I feel to understand that somethiing is wrong with grandpa, but she isn't sure what it is. Even with the bad days and not remembering, I am doing my best to be happy and enjoy what time I have left. What the hell that was the Drs. prescription. I am happy most of the time and I think it is because I have accepted what awaits me and I know longer fear it or care when the line is crossed, my granddaughter is sitting with me while I write this old motor mouth. WE that suffer from various forms of dementia can live and enjoy the time we have, crap why not, we are going to forget the pain and sorrow of before so go out dancing. I weap more for those around me, because they have to watch from the otherside, see I soon forget and get lost in the conversssations and what is happening quiet often. So my sorrow is momentary. My wife shakes her head at me as we walk through the grocery store and I sing songs I make up so everone can hear, some are very colorful and I talk to everyone. Till nex time:
God Bless,
Joe

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Farwell To My Old Friend Pain

The letter that follows has never been sent this is all done in spell check so that it makes some sense. At long last I need to close what is the next to final chapter of my life. I know the individual will never see this but it serves to finish my part and clean my side of the street. It has been awhile since I have posted or written anything, that is because things are well taking their toll or scheckles if you will.

August 24, 2007

Dear Phyllis,

I am not quiet sure how to start this letter or if it will even be sent to you. See I have never broken my word or lied to you. When we last talked, I promised you I would not bother you again and that was truly my intent. But I cannot get over the way you talked to me, when I called as a friend nor the way you ran from me claiming you loved me so much it hurt that August night in 1978. Should I send this, due me at least one final courtesy read it before you rip it up and throw it in the trash.

Yes when I called it was done in friendship and with the hope you would tell me the truth as to why you left me standing like a piece of trash in the middle of the street. I did not deserve that. I did nothing but love you, stand by your side and support you in what you wanted to do. I never lied to you nor even bothered with any other females, you were everything to me and I thought I was to you.

I can only believe that one of two things had happened, age was not one and we both know that, I do not believe you were seeing anyone else either; I think either your parents finally gave you an ultimatum regarding me or you were pregnant and going to get an abortion. I found the second more likely, and would have stood by your side and decision and still cared and loved you, because we were together too long knowing your parents hated me and wished I would vanish into thin air. I tried to show them I would not hurt you, nor was I going to let their dislike for me push me away from you. Kids were something you did not want and if you remember correctly I told you we would marry when you decided and if we were to have children it would be your call. All I really wanted were for us to be together in life forever.

You see I feel my Lord gave me a gift the night you kissed me on the cheek and began our relationship. To that point in my life I had never felt that anyone loved or cared for me. Not even my parents, my father used to beat me till I bled and my mother always told me I should not make him so mad. My friends were non existent, I learned to cheat, lie and steal at my parent's side and how to take and not give back. Of being loved or loving I knew nothing at all. Then you were put in my life and I learned to trust another person, except their caring and their love and I learned to give back without asking or expecting anything for the first time in my life. You were a true gift from God, because of you I have been able to love, give and care for someone other than myself. You taught me that and I am forever grateful, for that gift, which will never be taken away from me.

This is my way of bringing closure to us and saying goodbye finally. You see I never morn a loss, I always have rejoiced in having known the person, and I did not do that with you. I have never allowed the kindness, love, caring and giving you showed me to overshadow the way you left my life as if there was some big dark secret. You see I cannot perceive running from someone you love so much without telling them why they cannot be a part of your life any more unless something so bad in you mind existed that you thought I would do something crazy over. I tell you this in all honesty I would never have hurt you, I would have rather died then cause you any pain, which apparently existed.

So to you my Love and friend, I bid you a found farewell. I hope the Lord continues to bless your life and bring you the happiness that you deserve. Remember we lose loved ones, but rejoicing and celebrating their lives is the greatest compliment that we can pay them. I rejoice in knowing you and am happy for the time you were part of my life.

With Gods' Love,
Joe

God Bless You All and This Country of Ours!

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