Gingrich to Alzheimer’s Association Advocacy Forum attendees: "We should be able to come together to address Alzheimer’s"

May 16, 2011

Former Speaker of the House and Alzheimer’s Study Group Co-Chair Newt Gingrich addressed more than 600 advocates to begin the second day of the Alzheimer’s Association Advocacy Forum. Throughout his hour-long remarks, Gingrich encouraged advocates to speak out and share their experiences with elected officials.
"The Constitution says, 'We the people,' not 'We the legislators,'’" said Gingrich. "One of my goals here today is to assure you that you have every right and responsibility to go out and tell elected officials what is going on. You are the living embodiment of the Alzheimer’s issue."
Gingrich emphasized several themes, including the ongoing need for bipartisan support of the fight against Alzheimer’s — an issue he embraced when serving as co-chair of the non-partisan Alzheimer’s Disease Study Group (ASG) with former Nebraska Senator Bob Kerrey. 'Alzheimer’s should be a totally bipartisan issue," said Gingrich. "Alzheimer’s does not just affect Republicans or Democrats, liberals or conservatives. It affects Americans. Therefore, as Americans, we should be able to come together with no partisanship to address Alzheimer’s."
Gingrich highlighted the high financial cost of Alzheimer’s disease to Americans both now and in the future. He emphasized the need for investment in Alzheimer’s research — and the potential cost savings if methods of treatment or prevention could be realized.
"Between now and 2050, Alzheimer’s will cost the American government an estimated $20 trillion," said Gingrich. "Yet today, Alzheimer’s research is grotesquely underfunded. We need the scientific community to tell us the optimum they could invest in the next 10 to 15 years. What could they do if they had the resources they needed to save lives and save money?"
To conclude his remarks, Gingrich shared his overall optimism that the dream of a breakthrough in Alzheimer’s research and awareness is on the horizon.
"I’ve seen things change," he said. "Every generation of Americans has been allowed to dream, and every generation has seen some of their dreams come true."
Following a brief question and answer period, advocates left with much to discuss.
"Anyone who is standing up and advocating, I respect," said Suzette Armijo, an Alzheimer’s ambassador from Mesa, Ariz. "He understands the impact of this disease. He has big dreams and broad ideals when it comes to this issue. It shows us as advocates that there are people on Capitol Hill who have those feelings. It gives us hope."

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Alzheimer's Association Advocacy Forum 2011
www.alz.org/forum
© 2011 Alzheimer's Association | www.alz.org | All rig

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New Link Added

First let me say that if you have not tried Google Chrome, you might want to, much faster.

I have added a link to the Beijing Tiantun Puhua Hospital today. This may seem strange to you, but I figure if they can use this blog as a source for them in China, least I could do was add them to my links. They contacted me, let me say that kind of took my socks off.

I needed their contact, the last couple of days have been very uncomfortable and less then memorable and they made my day. It has been difficult to know where I have been, but I know I have not been with my family or my own brain, but that is life with AD and any dementia.

God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!
joe

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Frustration Reigns!

This week has been a difficult week for me. Just toooooo much family and kids. Good thing I have additional meds to take or I woud not have kept things to gether. I love my family, but I am becoming less tolerant, more mouthy, angry and pissed mor easily. I have a grate deal of trouble controlling my mouth and emotions lately.

I want to thank the two who have taken the opportunity to guest blog here. I have invited several that I thought could add to the thought processes found here on both sides of the fence as it awere.  But it seems that some old "friends" choose not to. Everyone has something to offer. Even if it does not agree with what is felt here. That is what this blog is about. Expressing feelings about having dementia and those careing for us. Neither side is neat and tydie, they both suck. I miss the days when I could think more clearly and express myself and do it (ego here) with little room for argument. Now I am lucky to blog at all. But no this you are all welcome even those who feel I am just an angry old fart, angry yess, old yess and I guess a fart as well.

I try to not talk about everyday things, but how this disease affects me overall. Yess some days I am on top of it others I cann't even find the stairs. I do find the walls I walk into them and excuse myself. Yes I have taken additional meds today, and am still shaking inside and my temper is border line, but the impression of my teeth in my tongue helps me keep quiet. I will be posting some emails that I have been give permis to, I ask because not everyone leaves comments.

Dr. Joe I guess the 10.00 bucks I paid you for your post paid off. Doc I really cannot walk on water, trust me, I can barely walk on the ground without it moving. But I thank you, my friend.

Well you all take care and be good to each other.

God Bless You & Keep You and This Country of Ours!
Joe

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The Relentless Killer Alhziemers.

Normally I talk about how this affects me, today I like to beg the question, "Do You Really Know How This Disease Kills?"

I suggest to many of you your real and honest answer is not really. They tell us (the know it alls), that we forget things slowly, forget to eat, bathe, etc. and then linger and die.  Well I in my limited capacity suggest to you that they are chuck full of shit. Joseph forgets none of these things, that which is Joseph. What happens really is that my brain, that finally tuned sharp as a tact organ, does the fucking up.

You see when my stomache or body sends the enzymes and nerve messages to my glorious brain that I am hungry and need to eat, the damned thing no longer understands, it now speaks a second language. My bladder and intestines scream, so it listens to my ears of course they have nothing to do with those lower class forlks and well you can guess the result. As time goes on my brain no longer recognizes smells, so who needs to bathe?

Latter I die do to liver failure (the second death). Why? Well stupid upstairs answered the wrong phone call, not the one for instructions from the liver, but the bladder. Or my heart stops, why, because Mr. genious was trying to tell me my toe hurt. Get the picture. I will physically die as others because my brain will no longer under stand it's own unique coding system to keep me functioning. NOT ME, not my doing, the grey matter will be out to lunch. As the old saying goes, THE LIGHTS ARE ON, BUT NOBODY IS HOME!

What brought this to my train of thought was The Forbidden Planet, where the robot is given a command and it's electrical signals (the brain) went into turmoil and with nothing to counter act the order it would just go kaput.  So goes our brain, kaput. A bunch of ramdom requests made by our organs that just confuse the hell out of it, so they all shut down and so does it. Process not compatible with life, THE END.

Simple stated yes, but it is that basic. Now all the brilliant ones can tell me how wrong I am, with their fancy words that when boiled down to their basic elements will be just kaput.

You see I grow weary with all the BS of how much more we understand and all the strides made. I say to you then "WHY ARE THEIR NO SURVIVORS?" It is simple you do not have the answers and are not even close. You study rats and mice, I am neither, you study dead brains (wow they can speak), mine is still alive, study mine and others like me, maybe then you may get some real answers. I do not mean your normal 100 or 200 particpatnt studies, try one of 10,000 there are more than enough of us.

You all claim that about 5.5 million people (this country only) are affected by AD in this country, I submit you are wrong. I have AD and I affect, my wife, mother-in-law, five children, physc, GP, physcologist, 7 grandchildren and about 5 friends. That is a total of 22 people affected by me. Lets say that 5.5 million onlyy affect a total of 7 each, that means that 38,500,000 people are affected. Why are we still put on the back of the bus? I wonder what the cost in $$$$$ is, billions yearly, maybe that will catch your dead ears.

Till later take care and be kind to yourselves. My brain now hurts.

God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!  
Joe

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Alhzeimer's & Marriage

I received a comment from a gentleman whose wife has early stage AD. It seems this has affected his marriage quite a bit. Trust me that is an understatement, it has litterally screwed mine up. I have asked my wife to post her side on the blog, but she is reluctant for whatever reasons.

I know that she has one heck of a time with me, I am extremely moody at times, I get lost in conversations and I go off elsewhere in my mind on a dime. The other day we were talking and as usually Mr. Brilliant here got lost and could not even get a word out, the wife answered for me and was right. Her words to me were "Aren't you glad I know you?" my reply was yes someone has to because I do not know me anymore. This is starting to get scarey now. I have been going to post for the last couple of days, just does not happen. It certainly has messed up our sex life, I cannot even keep things going, because my mind suddenly goes off to War, or the Circus or some such fuckin thing and I am no longer involved in the situation or I just plain fall asleep.

I cannot even imagine how my commentor or my wife feel. I am not even sure how I feel at any given moment. At times I am on my game and then there is no game I have lost my processes and cannot get back. Yes I can write because I can stop and come back and start over, but in my real world it just does not work that way.

To my friend I am truly sorry for your situation, I will not say Hey it is ok it will be fine, because the truth is it will not get better only worse. I do hope the Lord continures to give you the strength you need for each day, we are a hand full.

God Bless You & This Country of Ours!
Joe

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For You Caregivers

How I got this is beyond me but it may help some of you. You wil nk I did not write thsi spellings is to good. Hope it helps.



Welcome to the Combination Care for Alzheimer's program

As a caregiver for someone who is living with Alzheimer's disease, your role is to make sure your loved one is getting the most effective treatment possible. This means using a combination of approaches—medication combined with other activities can help expand what you're already doing. By enrolling in this program you'll have access to information and resources that can help you learn more about the disease and treatments you may not have considered, such as combination therapy. (Combination therapy is when two Alzheimer's disease medications are used together to increase the benefits of treatment).

Based on what you told us when you enrolled, we have created a personalized Doctor Discussion Guide just for you. This guide offers important tips that can help you work with the doctor and talk openly about your loved one's condition and treatment plan. It also offers a series of questions that may help you have an informed conversation about how you can continue to enhance your loved one's care. As time
with the doctor can be limited, the personalized Doctor Discussion Guide can help you maximize your office visits.

Please PRINT this Doctor Discussion Guide now, review it, and make note of any topics you'd like to discuss at your next doctor's appointment. Beyond this, you will also receive a series of personalized emails over the next two months, providing you with educational and supportive information on how you can enhance your loved one's care. They will also help you learn about ways you can look after yourself as you continue managing your loved one's disease.

Doctor Discussion Guide:

Your Role as a Caregiver Is Essential. As you continue to care for someone living with Alzheimer's disease, it's important that you work as a partner with the doctor. Your doctor relies on you to communicate openly about how your loved one is doing and how treatment is working. The more information you can provide the more you'll be able to help your loved one get treatment that will make life more manageable for both of you.

One treatment option that you and your doctor may want to consider is combination therapy. In the treatment of moderate to severe Alzheimer's disease, doctors may prescribe a combination of medications, Namenda® (memantine HCl)* and Aricept® (donepezil)**, when they believe it will be more effective than a single Alzheimer's medicine alone. Use the following tips and questions to have an informed
discussion about whether combination therapy may be the right option for the person you care about.

Questions to Ask the Doctor:
When it comes to treatment:

1. What additional treatment options are available for Alzheimer's disease?
2. Based on the treatments we've tried before, is there anything more we can be doing?
3. I understand there is an option called "combination therapy." Can you tell me about it?
4. What are the benefits of combination therapy?

When it comes to daily living:

1. In addition to medication, are there any lifestyle changes that you would recommend?
2. What type of mental activities will help my loved one?
3. What type of physical activities will help my loved one?
4. Can you tell me what types of support services in my area are available to us, such as in-home assistance, adult day care, assisted living
facilities, etc.?
5. Can you recommend a support group in my area for caregivers like me?
Tips for Partnering with Your Doctor􀁺

Keep track of changes in your loved one's behavior—It may seem obvious and you may have been doing it for a while, but it's very useful for you to track and tell your doctor about any changes in your loved one's behavior and symptoms such as increased difficulty in performing everyday tasks, agitation, or even increased deficits in intellect and reasoning. Ask family members or friends if they notice any changes that you may miss. And, if you aren't already, consider keeping a journal or diary to note any changes in behavior, so you can share this information with the doctor. You can also write notes on this Doctor Discussion Guide and take it with you to your next appointment.

Prepare for doctor visits ahead of time—Taking the time to write down any questions or concerns you have can help make your office visits more productive. You may also want to bring articles or online resources that you have found with you to the appointments. This way the doctor is aware of what you're learning and where you are finding additional information.

Listen carefully to the doctor and take notes—To be sure that you clearly understand everything the doctor tells you and that you remember it once you leave the appointment, it's helpful to take notes. You can take notes on this Doctor Discussion Guide. You may alsowant to consider using a tape recorder or bringing a friend or family member with you.

Think about yourself too—It may be difficult to consider yourself when so much of your energy is spent caring for someone else, but by staying healthy you're better able to provide the care your loved one needs. Don't hesitate to ask your doctor what you can be doing to take care of yourself so you stay strong too.

Notes:
*Namenda is indicated for the treatment of moderate to severe Alzheimer's disease.
Namenda® (memantine HCl) is a registered trademark of Forest Laboratories, Inc.
**Aricept® (donepezil HCl tablets) is a registered trademark of Eisai Co., Ltd. and Pfizer Inc.
© 2008 Forest Laboratories, Inc.Welcome to the Combination Care for Alzheimer's program

God Bless You & This Country of Ours!
Joe

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Something Different From Me

Yes a big HELLO to you all. I wish to thnak all of you who write to me. And those of you whose blogs I have listed although I may not leave comments I do read them in the back office of my blog, where I constantly recieve your updates,. This morning is calm for me, feels strange. But it is like the weather wait a minute things will change, so I though I would get this off now. Your sharing of your troubles with your loved ones brings a sense of calmness to me at times. See it is nice to know (unfortunately), that I am not alone out here. I want to say thank you for being there for me, it truly helps. You know you can comment however you chose, good, bad, rotten, ugly, beautiful, your choisce but remember I do not edit comments and they get posted as written. That is how I post and you deserve the same.

God Bless You & This Country of Ours!
Joe

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I Am Back, Ready or Not.

You know, no you don't, but this damn disease is a real bitch at times. I find myself having to seperate and kind of hide to keep from lashing out. We have had our one daughter and grand kids and son in law with us almost 3 weeks I think, am not handlin this well. I love them, but.

My wife and I are starting to lock horns more, she thought my last post was rather mean and spiteful, I think that is how she put it. My reply was, well you guessed it eat shit and bark at the moon. I write what I feel and how I see it. It may be clouded it maybe one sided, but it is all I know. I make no excuses for what and how I put it. Those that live in this World with me, they know, they understand and hopefully I say what they cannot at least for now, while I am able to . Yes I am angry as I write this today, better to put it here than where else I might.

Ino We that live with AD, really find ourselves fucked up alot of the time, understanding the real confusion and loss we feel is difficult I know for those on the outside looking in. See we can not get back to the outside to look in, we are stuck here and sinking deeper. Try to imagine the darkness starting to encase you slowly and you cannot stop it and you want out and NO not for you. What is that old saying when Casey at The Bat struck out, there is no joy in mudville.

Well enough from me. You all have a great day and wonderful life.
God know the idiots in Washington won't fix it, but only screw us more.
joe

God Bless You & This Country of Ours!

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This Belongs On My Answering Machine!

Thanks my friend Dick.

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.
>
> Please select from the following options menu:
>
> If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
>
> If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for
> you.
>
> If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
>
> If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want,
> stay on the line so we can trace your call.
>
> If you are delusional, press 7 and
> your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.
>
> If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully
> and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
>
> If you are manic-depressive, hang up.
> It doesn't matter which number you press,
> nothing will make you happy anyway.
>
> If you are dyslexic, press 9-6-9-6.
>
> If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep
> or before the beep or after the beep.
> But Please wait for the beep.
>
> If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
> If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
> If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
>
> If you have low self-esteem, please hang up.
> Our operators are too busy to talk with you.

>
> If you are menopausal, put the gun down,
> hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry.
> You won't be crazy forever.
>
> If you are blonde, don't press any buttons.
> You'll just mess it up.
>
> This coming week is
> National Mental Health Careweek.
> You can do your part by remembering
> to contact at least
> one unstable per son to show you care.
>
> (Well, my job is done . Your turn!!)

God Bless You and This Country of Ours!
Joe

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My Life Today

Lately i have not told how I feel and what is happening. So, I feel like shit, the affects of this disease are catching up. I cannot be out walking and such for more than ½ hour or I feel like I am about to leave this pldace. I find converstions more and more difficult, unless I am truly angry or extremely focused on one point. Any distratction and I am lost.It is difclut I know for others to understand how hard it can be to hold a conversation, they are draining and hurt. My trembling is worse, my head spins when I turn in, hitting the ground is quiet annoying and becoming uncofortbale. Forgetting in the midle of something I am doing really ticks me off to know end, because I cannot get back to where I was, it is just plain gone. I just hope this blog helps someone.

God Bless You and This Country of Ours!
joe

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A WARRIOR'S LAMENT (By: j.v.potocny)

I kneel before thee
Upon bended knee
My battle axe rusts upon a tree
The Steed that served me well
Now runs free and frail
He served us both with grace and might
Let him rest well each night
There is no deadly mace
That you can see before my face
Gone is my shield which I cannot hold
All that is before you is my sword and face
I have stood tall in all battles
With You I have won and battles song sung
Many with scars some with none
Since a child I have fought the fight
Now I wish for it to end this night
My strength is dried up and gone
No longer does exist that fierce warrior in me
I long to face only Thee
This battle I am in is lost and so am I
So before You I am on bended knee
Prostrate would I lay
But this body is to broken and brittle this day
So I lay before you all I have left
Worn, beaten, yearning, to you I give my soul
No longer in the dust of battle let me roam
I await You and Your Hand to take me in your time
I pray Thee take ME HOME
In Your Name Amen.

Joe

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Howdy

It has been awhile since I posted, I sit down in fromt of this thing to do it and that is wehere it ends.I have been in sort of a place that I am not famliar with, don't ask where because I do not know. Physically I am starting to suffer more of the progress of this wonderfulo disease. It is begning to scare me more now. I stand in the house, and wonder where the hell I am. After awhile I lie down on the couch or whatever and go to sleep and the hours go away. So does the confusion and mystery fo what things are. I feel more lonely in theis World of Mine now even when people are areound me. Sometimes waking up and seeing my wife next to me scares the living (&(&^^ out of me because I am not sure who she is. Then the brain kicks in a all is well. I tire quickly and fall alot now, I guess that old Ford has caught up to me and passed me by.

I used to wonder what tomorrow would bring, now I am not sure about the rest of today. I do this for you who care for those like me so you know why we act the way we do and it has nothing to do with you, it is us.

God Bless You and this Country of Ours!
Joe

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You Got To Be Kidding!

Recently I was told this about me telling you about my life with this disease. The individual even found it funny and without purpose. Wel that is ok, because I am here for me and for those who care for people like me and are like me. This is not fun and games this is real life. It iss difficult to lay out your life and how you feel. I once started sometime ago I cannot remember when posting my life story on a site, I am but one person in over 6 billion on this earth, who would care. I started getting so many emails I could not go through one days worth in a day. I was blunt and just as forthwritht in the story as I try to be here. You know when you just roll out of bed and land on the floor and are not sure why you are there I try to laugh, yes I do that. I walk into wals, sit on the floor and just fall over.I hate going past my mailbox alone, it scares me, I am leaving my security place and I actually run back, because I am afraid I will forget where it is. Sometimes you can talk like the wind with folks other times you just stare and wonder who they hell is this person and what are they doing here. The problem is you have no control over it.wrighting tihis takes all my ability to consentrate and generally I go to sleep afterwards, my brain fills like it has been crushed, I like some that live in this World of Mine do not want to be here anymore, it hurts to look at those you know, but you cannot talk to them, because the brain and mouth cannot find each other.Emotions are a real mountain, boy when they start to flow, their is no stopping them until you are tottally wiped out. The pains of the past that you thought were dealt with and now at rest, rear their ugly heads with a vengance. That is while early on in this ordearl I tried to contact old friends and put things to rest, without telling them what was happening, I got yeah I kind of remember but forget it doesn't matter, thanks but don't call again and out right anger, well that is the way it goes. If I have the time and my brain stays with me or me with it I think I shall post in segements my life story, for me. I getting lost now so good bye my friends till next time.

God Bless You and This Country of Ours!
Joe

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Early Signs Differ

I have been asked whaat did I notice in the beginning that made me think something was wrong. On the side of my blog are places to go for the medical signs. However no two persons are alike. My Physciatrist and I talked ablut this he his opion, which to me makes sense, it takes so long to determine because it depends where you start. In other words how much grey matter do you have to statr with and have deminish. I noticed around 50, that multi tasking for me was starting to be confusing. I was able, to handle 10 projects at a time without notes and jump from one to the other and back again and never miss a beat. I was in the computer field (the beast of humanity). I started to have to pause to remember and even take notes, something I did not do, I would forget my pen, my glasses, what day it was, peoples names, stand up to do sommething and sit down again because I forgot. Eeach of these things in and of themselves is no big deal. But once I started to connect the dots, you know that old kids game where you go from one dot to another and a pickure forms, these things were happening daily and more and more often, I still functioned and got my job done, but I knew something was happening. Doctors or you are depressed, absent minded, forgetful, to much anxiety, all of a Sudden, no trauma had taken place. Things progressed slowly, but I could feel that my once active mind was slowing down and not because I was growing older. Talking to the text book guys was not helping. Finally after several years of pushing and refusing the bs answers my physcologist started to believe as I did that some form of dementia was occuring, because of my memory losses, inability to do things in minutes that now took me hours to days to do, because I forgot how. His dad had Alhziemers and he started and was the first to believe this was taking place with me. My Physc was not sure but felt that some form of dementia was occuring. My physician just plain ass was not sure, because I could still hold a conversation. Finally one day talking to him with my wife, the lights went on in his head there was something wrong because he was finally paying attention to the trouble I was having talking with him. We had done MRIs and EECs and Cat Scans, with no result, so he ordered a Pet Scan. Low and behold, his words get to a neurologist I can not help you, well none of them had been able to either. Armed with history at the PS, the new neurologist confirmed that I had Frontal Temporal Lobe Dementia along with inconsistent consistencies of Alzheimers (good one). so here I site be inconsistent and whatever else I am. All I know is that you need to look at the whole picture and stand firm and make your physicians or whatever explain why not and why something else and if their treatmenst do not work move on and kick down as many doors as needed until someone listens and starts to did. NOtes help and having someone with you that has known you for a time that can see the differences and help explaim them will help. Thankfully I have a wife that is stuborn as I am and keeps going until the truth is found. You may not like what you find but you have the right to know. I am not only having greater trouble with the grey matter but the physical affects are starting to settle in. Well you all behave and God watch over you.
God Bless
Joe

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A Toast to Beckey Bright

Ms. Bright appparently writes a coloum called Blog Watch for the Wall Street Journal. How and why she featured mine escapes me. I say thank you to Beckey. I am overwhelmed by the number of people that contacted me since yesterday. In fact it humbles me and that takes a great deaaal to do. Hopefully I made some new friends as I walk the road. There are so many out there that suffer as I do and evven worse, that I write this blog so that our side gets tolkd at least ass how it affects me and those around me. The last several weeks have been tough for me. I think my wife is getting use to me standing in the issles in the store kind of looking at her and pointing and saying I know you, then things register. My kids even ask me on the phone if I know who iam taking with. Sometimes I know right away others it takes a few minutes of talking, but I still have a ½ brain cell left so I function. To all of you that write me and tell me that you have gotten even a little comfort from this blog or undersstanding, my heart goes out to you with my own tears as I sit here and write, this has taken meee most of the morning til now to get this together. Thank You.

God Bless you all.
Joe

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Farwell To My Old Friend Pain

The letter that follows has never been sent this is all done in spell check so that it makes some sense. At long last I need to close what is the next to final chapter of my life. I know the individual will never see this but it serves to finish my part and clean my side of the street. It has been awhile since I have posted or written anything, that is because things are well taking their toll or scheckles if you will.

August 24, 2007

Dear Phyllis,

I am not quiet sure how to start this letter or if it will even be sent to you. See I have never broken my word or lied to you. When we last talked, I promised you I would not bother you again and that was truly my intent. But I cannot get over the way you talked to me, when I called as a friend nor the way you ran from me claiming you loved me so much it hurt that August night in 1978. Should I send this, due me at least one final courtesy read it before you rip it up and throw it in the trash.

Yes when I called it was done in friendship and with the hope you would tell me the truth as to why you left me standing like a piece of trash in the middle of the street. I did not deserve that. I did nothing but love you, stand by your side and support you in what you wanted to do. I never lied to you nor even bothered with any other females, you were everything to me and I thought I was to you.

I can only believe that one of two things had happened, age was not one and we both know that, I do not believe you were seeing anyone else either; I think either your parents finally gave you an ultimatum regarding me or you were pregnant and going to get an abortion. I found the second more likely, and would have stood by your side and decision and still cared and loved you, because we were together too long knowing your parents hated me and wished I would vanish into thin air. I tried to show them I would not hurt you, nor was I going to let their dislike for me push me away from you. Kids were something you did not want and if you remember correctly I told you we would marry when you decided and if we were to have children it would be your call. All I really wanted were for us to be together in life forever.

You see I feel my Lord gave me a gift the night you kissed me on the cheek and began our relationship. To that point in my life I had never felt that anyone loved or cared for me. Not even my parents, my father used to beat me till I bled and my mother always told me I should not make him so mad. My friends were non existent, I learned to cheat, lie and steal at my parent's side and how to take and not give back. Of being loved or loving I knew nothing at all. Then you were put in my life and I learned to trust another person, except their caring and their love and I learned to give back without asking or expecting anything for the first time in my life. You were a true gift from God, because of you I have been able to love, give and care for someone other than myself. You taught me that and I am forever grateful, for that gift, which will never be taken away from me.

This is my way of bringing closure to us and saying goodbye finally. You see I never morn a loss, I always have rejoiced in having known the person, and I did not do that with you. I have never allowed the kindness, love, caring and giving you showed me to overshadow the way you left my life as if there was some big dark secret. You see I cannot perceive running from someone you love so much without telling them why they cannot be a part of your life any more unless something so bad in you mind existed that you thought I would do something crazy over. I tell you this in all honesty I would never have hurt you, I would have rather died then cause you any pain, which apparently existed.

So to you my Love and friend, I bid you a found farewell. I hope the Lord continues to bless your life and bring you the happiness that you deserve. Remember we lose loved ones, but rejoicing and celebrating their lives is the greatest compliment that we can pay them. I rejoice in knowing you and am happy for the time you were part of my life.

With Gods' Love,
Joe

God Bless You All and This Country of Ours!

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Well Another Day

Had annual physical two weeeks ago, funny thing they say my lungs are ok, but two years ago x-rays said had emphazema, I questioned how that could be, I am not the brightest light bulb in the pack, but I do know that shit does not go away it works till it kills you. So it appears after I had the doc (himself) look at the xrays and not take the radiologists word for things, the original x-rays were so bad he could not make any kind of a diagnosis, but the current ones are good. Two years on meds that I did not need because some idiot cannot do their job right. So to help with the old brain, we had a PET Scan and it shows that half of my frontal lobes are, well in Peru. That means the rest will follow. Have read some recent studies that AD is thought to start as other dementias in the frontal lobes. WEll we are off to see one of the two best neurologists in the state on 9/4, that ought to be fun. Can hardly wait for this diagnosis. All I know for sure is my life is slowly disapating and I get lost in a world I do not know where and my youngest now tells me I am mixing of the sexes when I talk hes are shes and so on. Life is still ok I am breathing, I can still do that right at least.
God Bless You and this Country of Ours!
Joe

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Well Today Is Monday

The staart of another week at home with most everyone gone. My brain must be cleuless at 62 and a half I am digging out juniper bushes and leveling the ground to build a wall. Most I can handle is an hour or so. Body stops and brains quits. Not to smart theses days. I get a PET scan sometime this week I think. Had lungs and coratic ateries checked, called me today and said everything is ok there. Sounds other then normal aging aches and pains, physically I am ok. Upstaitts is a difereent story.It is peaceful and quite in the house right now and I am alone and really like it. My brain isn't really doing anything either. Been closing up my on line businesses, one left to go, in fight with credit chard companies and FTC over all of this but what the heck. It helps my my mind hold on to somethinging rather then going off to whereeever it goes. Half my doctors believe it is Alzheimers especially the one who lost his father to it, the others say maybe but you do not fit in theis fricken box. Askw what the heck is wrong and well you might as well look a a wall for nothing comes back nor is ist said. Well heaven doesn't want me, the devil could care less and death turns a cold shoulder, what is a guy to do. so much for the pitty me side to day. May your life be filled with love, happiness, health and peace.

God Bless,
Joe

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While I still Can Think

Today has knowt been wone of mey better days. Have been angry and frustratied. Some have felt that today, even my granddaughter. Soon my optometrist will feeel it, taking over 5 week for lenses. I have no patient left with waht if feel in incompentency or out right stupidness. I should talk, cant even spel right or thing straing anymore. But take your meds you will be okd BS. These tiny slices are killing me, mly emotions, I have no controolll over anymore, no matter how hard I try. This disease sucks big time. The hell of it is our people in congress and the white house give a shit. It isn't a minority issue. WElll soon it will be a vast majority issue as they and theirs begein to suffer the ravages. As nasty as this sounds, I can hardly wait for them to join me. When it is to late to do anything, and alll they can do is say "If only I had listened".

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Back Home Again

Well we are back from Washingto and things are getting to normal. Still forgetting who the heck I am talking to and not able to remembeer conversations. But life goes on each day a little less than the last one, but I can still commmmmunicate to some degree with others. Seem to P$#@ off alot of people more than usual. But that is their problem. They do not know what the corrrridors of my mind are like. I really cannot explain it to them. I know it is hard for them, but it sure is not easy on this side of the fence. Thre grass is not green it is getting brown. I have becomee somewhat disencahanted with those taughting how wonderful they are with this disease. And they can write books and their blogs are art this point or another. I sometimes think the have there heads ups their ass. I had to have mine surgicallly removed, to see the light of day. They write so eloquantly and do not show others how this disease and other forms of dementia really are. It is know wonder peopel and practioners just do not get it. I am real, I profess no secret knowledge of this disease, all I know is i suffer its relentless ravages. Imagine sitting accross from your family as they talke to you and you have no idea who the hell the are or what they are saying. That is the reality of it. Yes I can recall days gone by, but yesterday or this morning forget it. Enough from me this day.

God Bless You All and This Great Country of Ours!
Joe

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