Foggy Days

Hello to al I know it has been ahwile. Lately I have been noticing that I feel more and more like I am in a fog, I am aware that I am here but I am not reallly here. A very strange feeling. It is like being lost but not. I am not sure what this means except that I feel and Lynn has noticed lately that the slope has become steeper and with my round butt I am sliding a little quciker.

The article I was in posted on my blog, had errors and I have tried to get the corrected but of course neither the writter Lillian Cox or the Editor of the Coast News has had the well less than knowing someithing nice to say the balls to contact me back.  We met with someone from the San Diego chapter of the Alz Org awhile ago about getting involved and geting us a voice, boy they are just as quiet.

They say I think it goes, "Silence is Golden", if that is the case the deafening silence I am getting from those above and from anyone outthere trying to get us a voice, my house should be sinking from the gold bars that it is loaded with. Or at least I should be able to go to Mc Donalds for dinner.

I need to go now. Take care of yourself.

God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!!!
joe

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Last Night

Last night I found myself in very difficult and not likeable sitution.  It was a rough day for me as it was. We sat down for dinner and I put my food on my plate and completely froze. I had no idea what I was doing or what to do, my wife tired to help put I just told her leave me, she put my fork in my hand and it just fel from it, I was in a state of, in betweenness, between here and there. I finally started eating but with my fingers and slowly got back to where I should be. I am about 4 or so years into this and it is taking hold now as it seems to do about this time.

Now I am a beginning to become really concerned and not so humorous, but life will go on and so will I. I guess that line of no return is getting closer and sneakier about things.

Well that is it for now from: us here in Oceanside, CA.

God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!
joe

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The Gift of Alhziemer's!

Yes I know what gift? You need to have the disease to understand. See because of this blasted thing, I learned something today that I did not know, even with it starring me right in the kisser. I was reading over some emails I got because of the HBO Documenttary.

It brought people I knew from over 50 years ago back into my life. Of course they had to tell me how, when, why, etc., before the old noodle could grasp it. This may get long and run in circles, but what the hell, if I can run in them so can you.

You see I wanted most of all to be a good husband, lover, friend, father and someone the Lord would be proud to call his child. Well I feld very badly in my own mind and soul. So as I re read an email from my first girlfriend, the only one nuts enough to date me, Cheryl, I really realized how fortunate I am to have AD. You see, I have invited her to guest blog, but no response, what an asset to this site she would be. Now remember she dated me (poor lady), her mom has AD and Cheryl works for The Alz. Org. in Colorado what a wealth of help.  But more than that, after we broke ups I had 16 years of a real messed up life.  So you understand and I am not sure I do, she was about 5'6"  115#, brown hair, brown eyes and nicely, well very pleasant to look at, not what a memory, she sent me a picture from that time, and a Leo. I always felt comfortable with her, but life goes on and people (me) screw up alot.  What does that matter to you or me, well I just described my wife of over 30 years. Now she is stuck with an AD patient and she is a Leo to, and I have asked her to post, but you know these lions the roar, but are really just pussy cats. Because of this and the special I have found that my family was my career and Mr. How Smart Am I, was not even aware of it. Cheryl and the rest of you have shown me that and I am well pleased inside.

Still confused and not sure what I will do from moment to moment but I am having quiet an adventure, and sometimes it is pretty rotten. Just spent a week isolated to my self and not really talking to anyone, without being short and less than Kind. I find that, at least i do, just wip back without concern of what I am saying. From those I tak with that have this disease seem to do that alot to. Well enough of me for now. Be good and take care of yourselves.

God Bless You & Keep You & This Country of Ours! (The World Needs Him To)
joe

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Frustration Reigns!

This week has been a difficult week for me. Just toooooo much family and kids. Good thing I have additional meds to take or I woud not have kept things to gether. I love my family, but I am becoming less tolerant, more mouthy, angry and pissed mor easily. I have a grate deal of trouble controlling my mouth and emotions lately.

I want to thank the two who have taken the opportunity to guest blog here. I have invited several that I thought could add to the thought processes found here on both sides of the fence as it awere.  But it seems that some old "friends" choose not to. Everyone has something to offer. Even if it does not agree with what is felt here. That is what this blog is about. Expressing feelings about having dementia and those careing for us. Neither side is neat and tydie, they both suck. I miss the days when I could think more clearly and express myself and do it (ego here) with little room for argument. Now I am lucky to blog at all. But no this you are all welcome even those who feel I am just an angry old fart, angry yess, old yess and I guess a fart as well.

I try to not talk about everyday things, but how this disease affects me overall. Yess some days I am on top of it others I cann't even find the stairs. I do find the walls I walk into them and excuse myself. Yes I have taken additional meds today, and am still shaking inside and my temper is border line, but the impression of my teeth in my tongue helps me keep quiet. I will be posting some emails that I have been give permis to, I ask because not everyone leaves comments.

Dr. Joe I guess the 10.00 bucks I paid you for your post paid off. Doc I really cannot walk on water, trust me, I can barely walk on the ground without it moving. But I thank you, my friend.

Well you all take care and be good to each other.

God Bless You & Keep You and This Country of Ours!
Joe

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HE/SHE - HIS/HERS

Confusing title, well maybe.  See my wife told me the other day that one of the earliest problems I had after the diagnose was made, was keeping genders straight. Apparrently then and now when I talk about her I am talking about him and so on. Maybe this is why I never had much luck dating in my early years.

The last few days I have felt kind of lost in space and not sure of what I am exactly up to or doing. But I have not met any green people lately.

Will be attempting on working on changing my blog, the look and such, hopefully I can test it somewhere to fix the mess ups. Hope to make it so that those who read it can also blog on it. Maybe open some discussions or give some of you a place to say what you need to. Will see what happens.

Time to put my brain to rest again before it attacks me.

God Bless You & Keep You & This Country of Ours!
Joe

P.S. Do not feel like I do not appreciate your emails, I have been very bad lately at answering. Starting not to even turn this beast on anymore.

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Tried Cooking Again!

I stopped cooking the last time I tried to broil some chicken and set it a blaze. It got done, but on the chrunchy side and a little charcoallly.

First I read my friend Marys blog, she had a great picture of a head with lettered blocks int it and telling how she had to get heres back together. I feel very slighted, she has more blocks in her head then I do, the wood peckers have gotten mine. But the two I have left crash together quite nicely.

I mad spaghetti tonignt. Used a can of Hunts Traditional, to which I added galick powder, bazil, parsley, salt, peper and sugarr. I saucted a full bulb of fresh garlic, halving each clove and added pistachio nuts to it with little salt, pepper, garlic powder and Olive Oil about 1½ teaspoons. Cooke the garlic and nuts until all the oil was absorbed, dumped it into the sauce, very unceremoniesously. Browned and well drained som hamburger and blended it in and cooked about half hour. Off course we cooked noodles to. It actually turned out. Not to bad of a day today.

We do have some good days. I want to let you know of what I feel is good, at least for me having this wonderful disease, it has given me a peace inside about dieing, which is what is happening. I am no longer afraid of it, nor worry about it. In fact I look at it as my next journey, after this crappy one is over.

God Bless You All & This Country of Ours!
joe

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Without Further Ado & Much Fanfare!

First thanks to all you who offered their prayers for my friends Mary & Jim. I spoke to Mary via Skype today and so far so good. Again Thank you!

A Drum roll if you please!!!!!!!!!!

The old pond area, waterfall removed and relandscaped, not by me others in the house. Will be used for water plants and raising up our baby Koi that are due soon. First I have to get a male to help the preganant one.
I know you all have been waiting for the new area. Well except for getting the lighting all correct and wiring finished here it is.

Thanks for waiting and asking for the pictures, my hide away is near complete. In case you are wondering, which you have to be, where did the othjer water fall go. Well it now graces the front of the house. We also have an ornamental type pond out there.

Thank you all for beign out there for me. It is much appreciated. Now the brain is fried for the day after trying to place these pictures where they did not want to go. Thanks again!

God Bless You and This Country of Ours!

joe

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Good Morning From Nutsville!

Yes it is your on the scene reporter coming to you from his favorite City. I have not the faintist idea what is going to come of this post. I had it thought out and as usual as I type it flutters away.

My wife, Lynn the crazy one that married me, and I were talking one day, when who knows. I told her that my feelings and emotions have real problems with themselves, half the time I do not even care or love my family, other times the opposite is just as strong. I guess this wonderful companion of mine the big Dementia, is doing its job on me as it should be. Time means nothing anymore, a good deal of the past is leaving along with the supposed friends. But I think maybe it is reallly me that is leaving and not them. As Sherlock Holmes once said, I think it was him, Come On Watson The Game is A Foot. That is how i feel.

The cursor is flashing at me, like I should know what the hell it wants. I am not even sure what I want. My head hurts, my thoughts wander and the damned things do not even take me with them, that's the shits.

Well till I remember to come back.

God Bless You & This Country of Ours!!!!!
Joe

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