Showing posts with label heart. Show all posts
Showing posts with label heart. Show all posts

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Yesterday i had blood drawn for tests for my physical next week. Then I spent the rest of the morning with my phsycologist . It was interesting, i have seen mim for nearly 7 years or so with breaks. We were talingi about the so called new advances in Alzheimer's and the new guide lines for diag. and treating. Funny part about it is as we talked he remembered I had said most of this years agao. And it has been posted on this blog in various forms over the years. I dound that all to be interesting that these so called experts only needed to talk to me or someone like me with the disease to get these startling new ideas and would have cost nothing. But what the fuck do we know, we are sick and mindless. But it does add credability to sites like mine, that we know what they cannot figure out.
I had another doctor write me recently, and the gist of what he said as I could understand it and questioning him on what he said is that he basically in simple terms agrees about the profession, and pharma companies, they all have their heads up their collettive asses and only promote drugs for money sake, because no matter how you want to cut it, the drugs DO NOT WORK! It is still about 8 years from diag. to the end drugs or no drugs. Our paper here had an article today about a former mayor, whose wife was diag. 7 years ago and just died. I know we hear about the 15 to 20 year sufferers, but they only exist because someone was smart enough to notice it in its infancy stages. The ten or so years of true EOA which most pros call DDSS, my term for Distraticed, Depressed, Stress, Syndrome.
I have my moments, what is difficult is getting what is in my brain cell, down to my fingers and then getting them to type what it is that is their. I have to do it quickly or if I think to long ( 5-6  seconds) it is gone and never gets said.
I know from some mail i got i insulted the Alz.org, but i want you to know that was intentional. Yes they help caregivers, they have done shit for me and I have contacted them many times. Even my local San Diego Chapter, who I gave copies of my book to for their lending library. And they wanted me to help with things and with the State, YES YES YES i said. Their ultimate answer and reuests have been complete silence, and I have heard this from others, including some Drs. I know their are good people working for them and my attack if you will is not on them, but what seems to be an organizzational lax of understanding the sufferer. Oh yes they know it is not pretty, but it does not seem that they have the first idea of the real terror in our minds and the loneliness and the difficulty we have telling anyone, because we know you do not know or understand this hell, you are not in it.
Time to shut up, i am getting to angry and feel like telling most everyone out there to fuck off, but we are family and I need you and I think you need me also while I can spout off and make some sense.

God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!
joe

Monday, February 21, 2011

Old Mems and New Ones

I have found that old memories aer stil there but they have no time stamp you might say, I can tell you about them, but part of the probelm is that two or three may get mixed together, facts are pretty good, but knowing exactly  which memory they belong to, well you have to guess. New memories, I have only about 2 days worth, they do not stay for long at all. In fact have trouble with telling you about this morning even.

The wife colored her hair today, did it this morning so I am told, I did not notice.  Later we were up in our office, that sounds so officey doesn"t it, just a extra bedroom with the computer.  But that makes us Yuppies we have an office. I was looking at this woman in front of me and knew I thought I knew her but something was not right. I had her turn around and finally my mind put back some old color in her hair and I knew it was Lynn. Said you colored your hair, YES, when this morning, oooh i said.

God Bless & Keep You & This Great Country of Ours!
joe

Monday, December 20, 2010

Foggy Days

Hello to al I know it has been ahwile. Lately I have been noticing that I feel more and more like I am in a fog, I am aware that I am here but I am not reallly here. A very strange feeling. It is like being lost but not. I am not sure what this means except that I feel and Lynn has noticed lately that the slope has become steeper and with my round butt I am sliding a little quciker.

The article I was in posted on my blog, had errors and I have tried to get the corrected but of course neither the writter Lillian Cox or the Editor of the Coast News has had the well less than knowing someithing nice to say the balls to contact me back.  We met with someone from the San Diego chapter of the Alz Org awhile ago about getting involved and geting us a voice, boy they are just as quiet.

They say I think it goes, "Silence is Golden", if that is the case the deafening silence I am getting from those above and from anyone outthere trying to get us a voice, my house should be sinking from the gold bars that it is loaded with. Or at least I should be able to go to Mc Donalds for dinner.

I need to go now. Take care of yourself.

God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!!!
joe

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Well Good Morning World! Yes it is me again you lucky people.

I have been puzzled, confused or whatever over something. You caregivers out their and even you suffers can help me with this. Ther are days that I get up and ready to take on the wolrd and my brain in on fire. The all of a sudden i am like, Robby the robot in Forbiden Planet all my circuts start to short out and I am just plain fricken out of it. I do not understand this, most of the time I kind of walk on eggs because I am not sure where I am or how I feel or what is taknig place in my brain. Have any of you seen or experienced this? It is really concerning. Kind of like here today, gone in a minute. Well I am 66 today, who would have thunk it, not me. Still a pain in the ass about things.
Food no longer intersets me either. Eat or don't eat ok by me. The food just does not hold any enticement I think that is the world anylonger. Things I loved to eat just do nothing for me. I have to be reminded now or asked about eating, not part of my list today. Oh well starting to ranble.

Take care of yourselves.

God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!!!!!
joe

Monday, August 16, 2010

Brains or Trains

I wonder sometimes if I have any brains left or if they are just trains runnnning in a circle. Things to me seem to be getting fuzzier each day. I forget mor of what I am going to do each day. Wife is up North visiting daughter and kids, I just could not take going after her 50th a week or so ago.  I found 32 good reasonss to commit homicide that day, way too much noise, movement, people, just a real grate on my brain, nerves and patience.

I am glad to see the going back and forth in comments and Lynn's posting.  We got one the other day that we discussed and both of us for diffferent reasons.  She could understand the people resenting the fact that the parents who are becoming a problem and like me, living another 5 or more years. Lynn feels that way about me at times and we both think it is normal and good to express it. You need time away from us guys to help yourselves. See I look at it that I may have to put up with those arround me hovering, checking, watching ever annoying me even for another year.  I wish they would just disappear at times. I think both sides feel this way, have to, we with Dementia are really a handfull, I think worse than trying to raise baby tripplets. See have the time I do not know what I want or what I am doing, just like a kid.

I want to say welcome to all of you that visit my blog. From Russia, US, Canada, Latvia, China, Brazil, Austrailia, etc., it boggles my brain cell.  Thank you all for visiting. I hope to be adding new resources to the list on the side soon for you all.

God Bless & Keep You and This Country of Ours (and the World)!!!!!
joe

Friday, July 23, 2010

Just When You Thought-------

For the last couple weeks I have been considering not posting any longer since ther did not seem to be any response to anything I posted. Especially yelling at you my extended family for not using the tools given to you. I guesss as we move forward I will become less tolerant and more bitchy. My wife will probably say I have already made it ther.  I know I am more withdrawn and really don't care much about things, even my KOI ponds.
The book here "When Can I Go Home?", i got to read before it came out.  See Dr. Joe is a friend of mine, even though he is a Phsyciahtrist, i cann't speel, that does not make him bad. It is a pretty good book for
caregivers to read I think.

Here is why I asked so many of you to become posters on this blog:


Message = Just found your blog and it is great.  It might be a good help for me to understand my husband.  He does not talk much about what he feels and when he does he yells.  I try to listen but how do I get him to talk without being so mean?  He has alzheimer's and was only diagnosed a few years ago but it seems that he is slipping more these days.  I hope your troubles are few.  You look like a fun guy.
Forget the last sentence. I get a great deal of emails from people like this lady. I can only answer from my side. She needs help fro you guys, you can see she is drowning in a sea she does not know how to swim in. Please POST and help her. This is part of my reason for not wanting to continue to post. I feel that we as a family are failing people like this lady. My emotions control me now rather than the other way around.  Even if you do the same thing each day I am sure you do something different, maybe a minute that can help someone. I do the same thing each day, become more forgetful, angry, frustrated, pissed, fingers hurt typing all of this, my brain wanders while I am tyring to post.  If you want to be a guest blogger on my blog, send me your email address and why and I will email you the link.  Postings have to be all related to Dementia in anyform or caregibing to Dementia patients.
God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours (Help The World Too)!!
joe

Thursday, May 13, 2010

No Title

The las few days have beeen really rotten. I have been confused, frustrated and a pure asshole. I have hurt my wife, not physically. But through being just a complete moron and ass and I cannot explain why.

I need ot openly appologize to her, just doing it directly has not been enough for me, I have to share it with another human being and my God for me to be free from it.

I am afraid this is a sign of things to come, havig real problems with conversations, remembering things, I just zone out and get really confused over stuff.  It is no wonder what I did really got to Lynn, she has so much to put up with me now, not to mention the prior 30+ years. I feel myself slipping more each day, so far I can for the most part notice it, but there are days I have no idea what is what. So I leave you for now, tomorrow if wonder lust here remembers I have some emails to post, that give hope to My World that there will be otherss to watch over us as we wear the current ones out.

God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!!!!
joe

Sunday, May 2, 2010

It Is May

Just in case you wer not aware it is May. I know the calendar and my computer tell me so and they would not lie to me. Well maybe they would cannot trust them buggers.  At least my brain doesn't, it really does not anylonger link days weeks or months together, let alone years.

According to the wife I have developed my own language, not heard on this Earth is billions of years. It seems that when I cannot get out what I want to say, let alone remembber what it is, I express myself in sort of a babble type lanugaggge. She seems to understand me, I sure the hell don't, I wonder who has the problem. Her or me?  Since she can remember days, what to do and what she is talking about, she has the problem, those type of people do not live in my World. What the title has to do with this is beyond my mind. Sounded good.

Well we got some new young koi, will see how they do. I have to do water changes on the ponds, and I do not want to, it is such a pain in the ass. I guess the fishes like it, but not one has given me a fin to shake and say thank you.  They remind me of gov. officials take it, shove it up my butt and not even a kiss. Yes I am in a mood today, have been for awhile, never kno when they will come or go, seem to stay alot longer these days.

Take care, who knows i MAY see you soon.  There that is why the title. If you believe that your brain is as blue as mine is.

God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!!
joe

Sunday, March 14, 2010

What Day Is It?

Question MarkMany of you probably find that an easy question. Well around here it is asked who knows how many times each day. Then I always ask are you sure. Of course minutes later I ask all over again. My wife smiles Bugging Out so pleasantly and reminds me one mor time. After awhile my daughter will just say Dad it doesn't matter. I guess she is right. See to me it is always someday but I am not sure which one. If I rember I will ask from now on "Is Today, Today". hopefully it will lessen some of the frustration. But first I have to remember Hmm 2 , now that is another story.

Oh well life goes on and I just keep doing whatever it is I do. Thanks for listening, stay well and be good to yourselves.

Jesus Fish God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours! United We Stand
Joe





Tuesday, March 2, 2010

A Favor to Ask.

My friend Mary, who's site is listed in my linkes, is having some real troubles health wise. Also her doctor is being a pain about meds for her hubby who has AD also. Please say a prayer for the two of them so that they get the right help. I would appreciate it. I am starting to loose to many friends to this disease.

They live in Canada and their whether is nowhere as nice as my haunts.

If I remember I will post pictures of THE POND, yes it is 95% done, need to get an electrician to run the out door cables for me. Me and electricity, not a good match, never was and even less so now.

Until later:

God Bless You & This Country of Ours!
Joe

Thursday, November 12, 2009

AS ONE READER SEE'S IT!

userid = jpotocny
FirstLastName =
Email =
Message = why yu gotta be such a curmudgeon? i got on ur sight for some insight into the disease, my mom has it too. but i dont want to listen to yur ranting and bitterness.. not that i blame yu but i wont be bak. life is hard enuf for us without listening to someone elses negativity. i thank god my mom aint bitter and angry like yu. she so sad at times but othertimes she is happy too and like my own child. sorry for yu

Thank you for using Bravenet Email Form Processing!

(YES I AM CHEATING AGAIN USING SPELL CHECKER ON MY PART even used grammar checker)

As many of you know I invite all comments and emails. I publish them as received. So that you all know, I get many like the above. Of course I hide their identity on emails, but did not have to with this one, them, him, her or it, did not have what it takes to give a first name. This comes from the email block I have on the right side of the blog, so you can email instead of leaving a comment, if you do not want it published.

But I have not edited it, spells like me, because I do not change comments and the like. I have said in the past and still do, bring it on as you feel.

I am sorry that your mom has joined this ever expanding World of Alzheimer’s or Dementia. It is not a fun way to live. Try reading my blog from the beginning and then judge me. You got insight, but could not hear it, your ears and eyes are closed. You think with your heart, which is wonderful, but this disease gives a damn about your heart. It wants and is taking your mom away, like it or not. I am not bitter at the disease or people in general. But I am offended, slighted and angry with those who claim to know how we feel and are making progress. Progress in what? Same info we have now existed over 100 years ago so where is the progress, I keep asking and hear nothing but silence.

I do not enjoy this disease, it will KILL me period. Not only physically, but it is the loss of me that is taking place that just rips at my very fiber.
I say to you who will not return, yes you will, as you see what takes place with you mom. Here you will hear and have heard the truth from one who suffers and is declining. From others you can find the soft gentleness that you seem to want to hear, but not the harsh reality of it all.

If you have the chance to see the HBO documentary ,The Alzheimer’s Project, pay close attention to the time of diagnosis and the immanent decline of the people and how quickly it can come and see what is ahead.
You see Josephine just pasted away a couple of weeks ago. Of course Cousin Cliff passes in the documentary (for real). I do not know about the rest how they are but sure would like to know.

Well I have said what I needed to, I did walk away from the computer before doing this because I wanted to really strike out, but I still have some control over my emotions. Not very often but, once in awhile I manage. So before I go off in another direction Good Bye for today.

God Bless You & This Country of Ours!
Joe

Friday, July 17, 2009

Friends You Got To Love Them.

This came from a friend of mine, who knows there is not much upstairs anymore and that I love old jokes and humor.




A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. 'Is it true,' she wanted to know, 'that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life? ''Yes, I'm afraid so,' the doctor told her
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, 'I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'.'
********************************
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son. 'Yes, Dad, what is it? '
'Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aging:
Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
---------------------------------
The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
---------------------------------

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me!

I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
********************

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
-------------------------------

One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
<><><><><><><><><>

Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

<><><><><><><><><>
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It's worse when you forget to pull it down.
---------------------------------
Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft...
Today, it's called golf.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two old guys are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide.
The first old guy says to the second guy, 'Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.'
The second old guy says, 'That's OK, it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.'
The first old guy says, 'Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?'
' The second old guy says,' Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?'
To which the first old guy says, 'Doesn't matter, let's look for yours.'

********************

Lord, Keep Your arm around my shoulder, and Your hand over my mouth!

Sunday, June 28, 2009

From The Clouds Comes The Darkness.

Some or many of you know I quit drivnig a long time ago, by my choice because of the danger I was, then my drs. told me not too, they were a litttle behind the curve. Well now the check book has a problem, ME. so the wife has to take that ove now. See they call this MCI (mild cognetive impairment), up my ass. Come live in my brain and tell me how mild this bull is. See how you like it when you stand up turn around and do not know where the hell you are or the wall hits your face or your world spins. Get lost in the talk you are havngi. Set and stare at the computer and not know why you are looking at it. MCI explains it all. The Dr. who first coined this phrase had brain cell farts in my book and sure didn't know mild from a hole in the ground. But of course he knows it to be so, he is smart, right.

Well let me go I need to practice for Moderat Cognitive Impairment, so I don't know what the fuck or what the hell I am doing. That should be fun.

All you caregivers remember MCI and see how you think of it. Your thoughts much welcomed. By the way you Drs. and Holistic nits that send me your causes and cures go away, I have checked out studies and they do not work. Some provide a year or so of added time, then the person is right where they should have been, big service you do. Yes, I was told how herpes causes AD and then had an advertisement at the end of the email for vits and herbs to help cure and slow down. I guess I must really come across as a moron and totaly stupid. But this posts are getting harder and I am getting more, well less friendly and tired.

God Bless,
Joe

Monday, May 18, 2009

I Do Not Go Away - Google.

I sure many thougt I would not follow up on my distain with Google, but I have a very angry side to me, especially when being called a thief. Years ago maybe, now no way. So here is to google, using spell & grammar checker so they could understand. Also, no answer from them yet. No balls I guess.



April 28, 2009

Mr. Eric Schmidt
Chairman of the Board & Chief Executive Officer
Google
1600 Amphitheatre Pkwy.
Mountain View, CA 94043

Dear Mr. Schmidt:

I am sure that you maybe wondering why there is a check for $0.81 attached to this letter.

Well there is a good reason for that, I do not appreciate being basically called a thief and a purveyor of illegal intent of taking funds from anyone. This blood money is repayment for what I was paid by Google Ad sense, because someone unknown to me was clicking on the ads on my blog. I presume from the insulting email I received from your outfit, they were not justified. I appealed, since I did not even know that I was to get paid, and basically as far as I am concerned was called a liar and complicter by your staff.

You see I suffer from Alzheimer’s and Frontal Temporal Lobe Dementia. I have a blog located at http://living-with-alzheimers.blogspot.com/. On this site I tell of how the disease affects me and how I cope with it. I started it to help caregivers, physicians and those whose loved ones suffer from the disease, what it is like in Our World. Maybe in a small way giving them some comfort as to how it is not their fault and that they could do very little.

I thought Adsense would be good, because it listed sites and places for people to go on my blog as well as in the posting. The ads were pertinent to the blog and entries. This was my whole thrust. But YOUR PEOPLE, I guess felt I was just trying to steal from you. So hence I return the $0.81 to you, I would not want your firm to suffer any financial hardship over this, or your dog not be able to eat because of it.

As a point of interest, The Wall Street Journal thought enough of me and my integrity to feature my blog in the paper. HBO Media also has honored me by including me in their The Alzheimer’s Project, which airs in May 2009. By the way you can find the information on Google.

I remain,
Joseph Potocny

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Who Am I?

For some reason many of you have called me hero, courgeous, generous spirt, wonderful person and all type of kind things. Truly I am none of these, just another one among millions with this fricken disease. No cure, no real meds, no real scientific finds, just one end. At firstm many thought I was bitter orver it, I never have been. Pissed at a medical profession that would not get its head out of its ass and listen yes. You see it is just my turn, I was called and well I answered, oh well. Often wanted to write my life story, maybe that is teh real reason behind this blog, I do not know. Now I have difficulty putting it into a time frame since time does not exist for me the same as it does for you. I was going to callthe booke THROUGH THE LAUGHTER, HE HEARD MY TEARS! So much for that.

If you want to know who and what I really am, there is a post 08/0/2008 called A Warrior's Lament, an attempt at a poem by me saying where I have been and am and a post 09/29/2007 Farwell To My Old Friend Pain, to post is self explaining I thing.

Well Lakes to HBO this blog has been buzing. They are the Heroes for doing the series that needed to be done. Five hours cannot cover it all, but they did a one heck of a knock up job. Shit the brought back long lost friends to me because of it, I sure benefited by it. Well tooo much rambling.

God Bless You & This Country of Ours!SmileyCentral.comSmileyCentral.com
joe

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Thank God For Friends - They Make Me Laugh!

This came from a frien, who rote it I do not know, but you will find me in this.


I was gonna write something here _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _




Forgetter Be Forgotten

My forgetter's getting better,
But my rememberer is broke
To you that may seem funny
But, to me, that is no joke

For when I'm 'here' I'm wondering
If I really should be 'there'
And, when I try to think it through,
I haven't got a prayer!

Oft times I walk into a room,
Say 'what am I here for?'
I wrack my brain, but all in vain!
A zero, is my score.

At times I put something away
Where it is safe, but, Gee!
The person it is safest from
Is, generally, me!

When shopping I may see someone,
Say 'Hi' and have a chat,
Then, when the person walks away
I ask myself, 'who the heck was that?'

Yes, my forgetter's getting better
While my rememberer is broke,
And it's driving me plumb crazy
And that isn't any joke.

CAN YOU RELATE???
I DON'T REMEMBER WHO I SENT THIS TO !
LIVE, LOVE & LAUGH A LOT

God Bless You & This Country of Ours!!!!!!
joe

Thursday, April 30, 2009

No Where To Go--------


The picture is of me and my elsdet granddaughter. She is 6 today, Ms. Emma Nichole.

I have ben trying to get stuf done on my computer today, but I am just lost as to what I am trying to do. Postit notes allover the place, printed emails to reed and get throug. Just is not working. I haven sitting here looking at my note that saays blog and trying to get to this. Sometimes I just feel completly lost and have no idea where to go to do things. I feel like the odl brain is really slowing down and it wants to go somewhere and not with me. I just dont want to. Whateles can I say.

God Bless You and This Country of Ours!
joe

Sunday, February 15, 2009

To All of YOU from ME!!!

While I know I am late, but I have not forgotten you my friends.

SmileyCentral.com

Thanks for being out there for me.

God Bless,
Joe