As The Door Closes.

sounds like a soap opera, but that is what is happening to my life. My eldest and her group were here the other day and when I said goodbye to my granddaughert who is 9, she aaid grandpa why don't you call me that name anymore when we leave and i did not know what she was talking ablut and asked her, she said oh it is ok grandpa, you just don't remember things anymore. That kind of hit home as to she understands and can see the changes taking palace. My daughter and I think it was the same day told me she missed me and i was really lost on that one. I just looked at her and she told me she misses how we would jokw around and that i do not do that much anymore but she understood that things were getting harder for me. It almost felt like she said goodbye while she still could. Right now i feel like shit and am not in a good place, which seems to becoming normal. Oh well It is What it Is.

God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!
joe

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Sadness in one's life.

This has been a hard week for me. My bird died Easter night. I was the only one that could handle her, very picky with people. Her leaving has really messed me up, i come down in the morning and go to uncover her and feed, water, bird talk all that knid of stuff and no cage. At night I want to cover her and say goodnight again no cage or bird. She had been ill and sitting with me at nights for long periods cuddeling and sleeping, i knew time was near, but never expetced feeling this lost over it. I look forher cage and it is not there. Change is not good for me anymore I have problems with it now. I find I am angrier inside now than ever, but I fight not to let it out at others, i just leave the room come st here at this beast and do nothing or go in my bedroom and just lay there for awhile. I find the tremors and my balance worsening daily my head seems to be screwe on sideways this crap has to endlife really is beginning to suck big time. well that is the hand i have drawen and have to play.

Take care of yourselves.

God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!
joe

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New Tests Ahead

Saw a new nerologist yesterday, she confirmed the tremor diagnosis, last one referred us to her. Also have a some type of nerve tests schedulled, she thinks there maybe nervve damage in my hands and feet. By the way the one that asked me if the last neuro was good looking, OH YES. This one is ok. Also being tested for sleep apnea, which we know I have but need new equipment means new measurements and the rest of the crap. The AD and FTD are not enough, now reach into the bag and see what else you find.

I am trying windows writer for this post not sure how it will work.

God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!

joe

PS. In case I forget to post it Happy July 4th.

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Brains or Trains

I wonder sometimes if I have any brains left or if they are just trains runnnning in a circle. Things to me seem to be getting fuzzier each day. I forget mor of what I am going to do each day. Wife is up North visiting daughter and kids, I just could not take going after her 50th a week or so ago.  I found 32 good reasonss to commit homicide that day, way too much noise, movement, people, just a real grate on my brain, nerves and patience.

I am glad to see the going back and forth in comments and Lynn's posting.  We got one the other day that we discussed and both of us for diffferent reasons.  She could understand the people resenting the fact that the parents who are becoming a problem and like me, living another 5 or more years. Lynn feels that way about me at times and we both think it is normal and good to express it. You need time away from us guys to help yourselves. See I look at it that I may have to put up with those arround me hovering, checking, watching ever annoying me even for another year.  I wish they would just disappear at times. I think both sides feel this way, have to, we with Dementia are really a handfull, I think worse than trying to raise baby tripplets. See have the time I do not know what I want or what I am doing, just like a kid.

I want to say welcome to all of you that visit my blog. From Russia, US, Canada, Latvia, China, Brazil, Austrailia, etc., it boggles my brain cell.  Thank you all for visiting. I hope to be adding new resources to the list on the side soon for you all.

God Bless & Keep You and This Country of Ours (and the World)!!!!!
joe

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Last Night

Last night I found myself in very difficult and not likeable sitution.  It was a rough day for me as it was. We sat down for dinner and I put my food on my plate and completely froze. I had no idea what I was doing or what to do, my wife tired to help put I just told her leave me, she put my fork in my hand and it just fel from it, I was in a state of, in betweenness, between here and there. I finally started eating but with my fingers and slowly got back to where I should be. I am about 4 or so years into this and it is taking hold now as it seems to do about this time.

Now I am a beginning to become really concerned and not so humorous, but life will go on and so will I. I guess that line of no return is getting closer and sneakier about things.

Well that is it for now from: us here in Oceanside, CA.

God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!
joe

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Before The Lynchers Come After Me!

Sorry I forgot they have discovered a GENE in some families that makes them more prone to AD. What a mystery, we knew it ran in some families, great rocket scientist work that there was a gene. So I ask, what does that do for these folks? Did you discover how the gene causes AD? (Yes or probably NO) Just how will this help those to follow me and others? I know I sound skeptic, but 100+ years and nothing. Imagine HIV in 1980's, we are now working and testing a vaccine for it. I am sorry for thoses who got the disease through no fault of there own, but sharing needles, unprotected sex, etc. your choice. I and those before me and with me have not had any choice in this. I could take on cancers and heart disease, but I think most of you know how I feel and why.

#7 Reported Killer - AD.  No cure, No Survivors. Only you can really help come out of the shadows and join others and beat down the doors of stigma, we are not lepoards which now can be stopped.

God Bless You & Keep You & This Country of Ours!
joe

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The Relentless Killer Alhziemers.

Normally I talk about how this affects me, today I like to beg the question, "Do You Really Know How This Disease Kills?"

I suggest to many of you your real and honest answer is not really. They tell us (the know it alls), that we forget things slowly, forget to eat, bathe, etc. and then linger and die.  Well I in my limited capacity suggest to you that they are chuck full of shit. Joseph forgets none of these things, that which is Joseph. What happens really is that my brain, that finally tuned sharp as a tact organ, does the fucking up.

You see when my stomache or body sends the enzymes and nerve messages to my glorious brain that I am hungry and need to eat, the damned thing no longer understands, it now speaks a second language. My bladder and intestines scream, so it listens to my ears of course they have nothing to do with those lower class forlks and well you can guess the result. As time goes on my brain no longer recognizes smells, so who needs to bathe?

Latter I die do to liver failure (the second death). Why? Well stupid upstairs answered the wrong phone call, not the one for instructions from the liver, but the bladder. Or my heart stops, why, because Mr. genious was trying to tell me my toe hurt. Get the picture. I will physically die as others because my brain will no longer under stand it's own unique coding system to keep me functioning. NOT ME, not my doing, the grey matter will be out to lunch. As the old saying goes, THE LIGHTS ARE ON, BUT NOBODY IS HOME!

What brought this to my train of thought was The Forbidden Planet, where the robot is given a command and it's electrical signals (the brain) went into turmoil and with nothing to counter act the order it would just go kaput.  So goes our brain, kaput. A bunch of ramdom requests made by our organs that just confuse the hell out of it, so they all shut down and so does it. Process not compatible with life, THE END.

Simple stated yes, but it is that basic. Now all the brilliant ones can tell me how wrong I am, with their fancy words that when boiled down to their basic elements will be just kaput.

You see I grow weary with all the BS of how much more we understand and all the strides made. I say to you then "WHY ARE THEIR NO SURVIVORS?" It is simple you do not have the answers and are not even close. You study rats and mice, I am neither, you study dead brains (wow they can speak), mine is still alive, study mine and others like me, maybe then you may get some real answers. I do not mean your normal 100 or 200 particpatnt studies, try one of 10,000 there are more than enough of us.

You all claim that about 5.5 million people (this country only) are affected by AD in this country, I submit you are wrong. I have AD and I affect, my wife, mother-in-law, five children, physc, GP, physcologist, 7 grandchildren and about 5 friends. That is a total of 22 people affected by me. Lets say that 5.5 million onlyy affect a total of 7 each, that means that 38,500,000 people are affected. Why are we still put on the back of the bus? I wonder what the cost in $$$$$ is, billions yearly, maybe that will catch your dead ears.

Till later take care and be kind to yourselves. My brain now hurts.

God Bless & Keep You & This Country of Ours!  
Joe

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Hello All!

My ggrandson Lucas is now home from hospital and out of the NICU and mom is fine, so they do not have that stress anylonger.

We built a cover over the pond and have started to plant the area, should be done soon, then will post pictures. We have a new femaile Koi that is pregnant. She is black with a white belly and white nose so we call her Orca. Have to get a male for her, since I lost mine.

I have been trying to read a book from a friend who has been published and it comes out in June, so I cannot tell you the name yet. I am having problems with it, very slow reader I am. But what I see in it that for you care givers it probably will be good. I cannot relate to the person's feelings from this side of the fence, except to let them know that many of their feelings we have on this side. Of course we don't have the family BS of what to do with us to tend with, we just keep going on and forgetting. But I can see how it could get tacky, since we are still locked away and forgotten about. Not alot has changed over the decades.

I am starting to become disconnectd from life in general and my past and who I once was. Things seem to be of little importance anymore. Ask me this afternoon what I did this morning and I will have problems telling you and so goes the day and my life. Trying to keep a sense of humor is becoming hard, I do not like this world of mine but I cannot change it, it is what it is, shit.

Posting is getting harder. The note on my computer to do so does not help much, I just start and forget and walk away. telling of the misery of this does not even fill worhwihile anymore. There is a lonelyness that is setting in a feeling of being apart from everything, and trying to hang on I feel like I am drowning in a vast void in my mind.

So much babbling.

God Bless You & This Country of Ours!
joe

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Couple of Things.

Well I am back here at the monster again.

I am still asking for those of you who would like their loved ones, friends, etc. who have passed from AD to send me their picture, first name, birth year and year of being set free. As you see so far only 3 people have felt that their loved one's should be honored, what about the rest of you? Yes I can get snotty.

The chatroom will disappear soon, I only paid for it for a year and I do not know if anyone has used it, so goes life.

Also NOTICE if you have skype on your computer, headphones, microphone and speakers you can call me free just click on CALL ME button. If i am on we will talk.

Things in this world of mine are getting a bit out of touch with me. I feel like I am beginning to seperate into two different folks, the one who knows (as if I ever did) what they are doing and one who hasn't a clue.

We finally finished our second KOI pond, Sept to now, not bad. Waiting for the season to warm up to bring in new fish, lost ½ of my others. Home projects I still like but they are becoming very hazardous to me. I built a square box around the pond for cemment so that the pavers vor the patio could be laid straight and shot my self in the finger with the nail gun. Then while laying the bricks one by one and setting them I smashed the same finger with the mallet, of course I really warmed up for that brick setting. Finally has feeling coming back in it. Golden years, kiss my butt.

Wife is now home with me for not sure how long, I guess until she cannot take me anymore or I send her back to work. Wants to do toooooo many things. What a pest, but I love her, so sorry guys I am keeping her, in it for the money now.

I am still amazed at my friend Mary in Canada, how she posts almost daily, I just cannot get it together to do that.

If you have a blog or website, that is not in my lisk of links and want it there email me jolynn1@cox.net with the name and I will enter it. I do follow alll the links I have, in the back part of blogger you can list those you want to follow and you get continual updates as people post, really neat. I just need to comment more, get to involved then forget what I am doing and walk away in disgust,

Well before I babble a brook you all have a great day. I am going to hide from the rain.

God Bless You & This Country of Ours!
Joe

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Days Lost.

First to AJ if you read this you have my permission to use any part of my blog you wish, with the exception of the In Memory of Photos. I do not have permission to allow that. My stuff have at it pictures, posts, etc.

I am starting to loose more and more days and time. I am feeling a sense of loss in my life now more than I did when I started this journey.It confuses me, for a period I am normal and can do anything I know where I am and then someone comes along and turns the lights out. I guess this is the way it goes and will continue until. I hear from folks how well I am handling this, and how great the HBO special was, etc. I am not that person anymore, he disappeared almost 2 years ago when the filming was done, at least I think it was that long ago. It is more difficult to concetrate on writtting these posts now, probabbly why I am not doing so much anymore.

Well the best5 to all of you.

God Bless You & This Country of Ours!
joe

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To All The Best.

I hope you all had a great Christmas. We spent the time at the US Coast Guard Training Center in Petaluma with my daughter, son-in-law and 3 grand children. Now I am sick, kids were sick so gramps got it also now. Today we will be having Christmas with the rest of the family and grandkids.

I hope that next year is peaceful and blessed for you all.

I see my friend Mary in Canada has been going to town with her new site which will be updated on my links today, I hope. Need to remember to do it.

We have been putting in our third pond, moved my koi to the bigger one and lost my big guy. He was about 14 inches and around 3 pound, had him since little. Hopefully we can save the others, moved them back to old pond and started treating them, will see. So far we have lost about six. I do not know if I am sad, mad, pissed or who cares. This disease has really messed with my emotions and state of mind. As you can tell I am ok at this moment. Later who knows. So before I babble on like a brook, you all have a great day.

God Bless You & This Country of Ours!
Joe

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New Studies - These People Are Idiots!

Yes that is my take on this. They do not have a clue to what they are doing.

NEW STUDY: Gist of the study is that those who have 5 cups or more of coffee each day can slow the onset and progression of Alhzeimer's. Now is what few cells I have left are working, I believe studies in not to distant past showed that this type of coffee consumption put you at a higher risk of Bladder Cancer. Well I guess drink the coffee, get the cancer, stop drinking the coffee and forget the cancer. Maybe I am wrong but seems to me, that spirits were part of this one.

Next & I Love This One: proves a point made in one of my listing.

Salk Institute scientists in La Jolla, CA: major incredible fantanstic break through. Of course we used GENETICALLY MODIFIED MICE:so normal humans won't work in this one. The GM mice "not only lived longer, but the onset of mental decline was also delayed". Reports Andrew Dillion of the university as reported in the North County Times by Bradley J. Fikes. This gets more interesting, I love amoloyids, they do not know what they are to do. According to Dillin (A Professor at Salk), their research shows that th plaques of these toxin protiens in those of us with AD and the like: ready for this: ARE NOT THE CAUSE OF THE DISEASE. Guess allyou PHDs outhere need a brain transplant. Instead and this is a quote from the article: "Instead, the clumps of beta amyloid proteins are how cells stow away the toxic proteins where they can't do damage, Dillin said."
Well now, rest of study is to be published in the 12/11 issue of Cell. Have not gotten to it yet.

I hate to rain on a parade but these folks are all over the place. This is why I am so harsh on them. They can not get their heads unstuck from their a****.

Cannot repair brain cells from what I know. So I see no cure, and all meds may slow down the progression no solid proof they do in at least 85% of AD patients, that I have found, more like maybe 20% if at all.

This is just interesting to me. You may or may not know that many NFL players over time have donated their brains for study, after they are dead to see the affects of all the concusions and blows to the heads they take do. In the group thus far checked of those in their 30,s to 50,s that have passed, it was noticed that, all though no signs at least know showed, but these guys had brains that looked like they had some form of Dementia for YEARS. just something interesting. So you folks know that I do try to keep up as much as possible on my disease and the tinker toy ways they are working on it.

Blast me, but these folks still do not get it.

God Bless You & This Country of Ours!
Joe

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